


After We Say Goodbye

by IWasAlwaysDead



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Broken Bones, Happy Ending, Healing, M/M, Past Abuse, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Assault, Starting Over, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWasAlwaysDead/pseuds/IWasAlwaysDead
Summary: Light moves to France and undertakes the huge project of restoring an old, neglected chateau. Will he heal from his sordid past and find love again in the French countryside?
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 124
Kudos: 72





	1. Breathing Out

**Author's Note:**

> I am writing this as a way of dealing with my own divorce. I hope I can heal and find love again as gracefully as Light does here.

It wouldn't hit him until he loaded that final box into his car and  locked the front door.  There was a tidal wave of emotion surging through him as he realized  he'd _ never  _ come back again. This was it. Everything had been cleared out, the place had been cleaned . All that was left was to return the keys.  He stood there a moment, worn sneakers scraping against the concrete as the hot sun bore down on his back. This black door before him needed a paint job and the  bushes needed a  trim. He sighed. That was a job for somebody else now.

Driving away was already hard with boxes obstructing his mirrors. Adding blurry vision from overdue tears was the insult to the injury. A cuffed arm wiped wet eyes as he sniffled and pulled out of the driveway. One last glance. One last look. That's all he wanted. That's all it took. _We were so excited to move here,_ he recalled. They finally had their own place, their own space to do whatever they wanted. They could make really big mistakes here or learn really big lessons. They could make love or fight or maybe both.

The drive was a beautiful one where old city roads and their narrow paths gave way to wider highways which whizzed through rolling countryside. Light rolled down his window and allowed long fingers to dance in the wind. The warmth of the sun was cut by the air moving passed and for a moment Light almost forgot his sadness. For a moment, he almost smiled. 

Eventually highways turned into country roads in less than favorable condition.  The car bumped and splashed through standing mud puddles  until Light came to a large tree at the mouth of a driveway. A short cobblestone wall lined the drive about halfway down before ending where it appeared  _ something  _ _ happened  _ to the wall. From there, the drive wove down rolling hills of grass and trees until it ended before a large wrought iron gate hanging off its hinges, ready to fall to its doom. Beyond that a circular drive surrounded what appeared to be a fountain overcome by weeds.  Behind the unsightly mess was a large chateau. It wanted to be stately and beautiful and proud. But it was old and pathetic instead. The shutters were falling from the windows , which had no glass to speak of.

“You would fucking hate this place,” Light mumbled to himself as he pulled around the fountain. Placing the car in park, he leaned over the car steering wheel and stared up at the disaster that would be his new home. What had he gotten himself into? Was he _ insane?  _ Probably. But he needed this. He needed this like he needed oxygen, like he needed restful sleep and good food and water. He needed this because he needed a distraction, a way to process what had happened and heal and move on. Because what had happened was horrible.  It had left a giant scar and nightmares every night and turned into the need to take two little peach pills with lunch everyday just so he could function. No, he wasn't the man he'd thought he'd be. He was a shadow, a ghost.  A whisper of the dreams he once had as a child. A disappointment  unto himself.

Light got out of the car and took in the sight. Mountains rose up in all their majesty behind the chateau.  They looked like a painting or perhaps if he reached out he could touch their snow capped peaks.  He sighed and scuffed the gravel with his shoe. Hands in both pockets, Light took the first steps toward the front door. This was it ; this was home.

Home was dust covered,  wall paper peeling, missing floor boards messy.  But the water worked, and he found the box which held his cleaning supplies easily enough. He'd start in the kitchen he supposed.  Not that he currently had any food to cook and it wasn’t like he could order delivery way out here.  He just needed to start somewhere. Besides, the view from his generous kitchen window was quite splendid.

Help was already on the way in the form of a contractor and his team.  They'd arrive soon enough to test Light’s rusty French and glean an idea of what he wanted done.  The language barrier wouldn't be an issue even if Light embarrassed himself and promised to brush up on his French.  It just wasn't a language that came naturally to him. Then again, perhaps a challenge was good.  He needed something to focus on, to study, to improve upon within himself.

Saws buzzed and hammers nailed while wallpaper was torn from walls. Before Light knew it, the gate was fixed and the landscapers cut back the weeds on the fountain and planted new flowers in the flower beds out front and Light thought the place might start to look like a home soon after all.

By evening it was just him and the crickets chirping outside. Candlelight lit his meager dinner as he sat atop a red blanket on the floor. Hopefully the bed would be delivered tomorrow. Wood floors made for sore backs, turns out.  Light blew out his candles and despite the noisy wildlife outside and hardness of the floor, Light found that sleep came easily enough.  It was probably exhaustion. The hard work of moving combined with the lack of sleep he’d been experiencing of late  were a perfect push to get him snoring soundly through the night.

When the sunrise over the mountains finally woke him,  Light drowsily stared out his window a while. It was absolutely the most stunning sunrise he'd ever seen in his entire life. Light pushed his sore body into a sitting position and yawned.  For the first time since  his relationship ended he slept through the night and didn't have a nightmare. He dared to hope they were gone.

The morning began the same way all mornings did; with coffee.  Then a toasted bagel because that's all he had in the house left to eat.  Light shrugged; the market wasn't too far.  Perhaps he'd go grocery shopping. The fridge had been cleaned out yesterday so it was ready to be filled. His stomach grumbled in protest of his small breakfast and Light poured himself one last cup of coffee before getting dressed to go to town.

As his car bottomed out on every dip  in the old country road, Light wondered if he should trade his Mercedes in for a Land Rover.  Maybe a jeep. Could he get a jeep in France? Surely.  Money Could do almost anything. Almost.

The roads smoothed out by the time he arrived at the market. It was a small store, but it seemed to have all the essentials.  Several locals were up early doing their weekly shopping. Several young ladies cast Light shy smiles and he blushed. How  to say  _ I’m gay  _ in French?  It’s not like any of them would stop to talk to him, thank goodness.  He carried on through the fresh produce section, noting a few good looking men but nobody clocking as inherently queer.  _ Oh well.  _ It wasn't like he was ready to date again. Maybe a little rebound sex would be nice, however. Maybe he could try apps. Was there a French Grindr? Le Grindr, maybe?  He was being silly, his thoughts light for the first time in ages. Perhaps having a good nights sleep put him in a good mood. Who knew?

A dark haired man  quietly mumbling to himself in the bakery caught Light’s eye. He looked tired, to which Light could certainly relate. The man was hunched, deliberating over the muffins and cookies and pastries before him.  With his thumb in his teeth, he went back and forth between each item before shrugging and putting one of everything in his shopping cart. Light didn’t realize he'd laughed out loud until the man shot him a piercing look. Dark grey eyes  stabbed Light and he blushed as he pretended to be laughing at something else and walked away feeling rather stupid.

It would’ve been a clean escape had he not run the corner of his cart into a cereal display. As if Light’s embarrassment wasn't already sky high, he could hear the dark haired man behind him chuckle.  _ Fuck me. _

As Light bent to pick up the fallen cereal, he could feel the eyes of the other patrons on him.  If he could just clean this up quickly and be on his way, everything would be fine, just fine.

“Having a rough day?” A smooth sounding and unfamiliar voice asked.

Light looked up and frowned. Of course it was the dark haired guy. He was really good looking, Light thought, beneath the messy hair and despite the bags under his eyes. “I’ve had better.”

The dark haired stranger picked up and restacked a few boxes. “The wine is on sale today,” he said with a cheeky smile.

Light laughed and nodded. Yes,  wine sounded like a good idea.  “You’ll have to show me the good ones. I’m unfortunately unfamiliar with  France’s best wines.”

“Say no more. I'll show you my favorite.” Together they finished putting the display back together and Light followed his new friend over to the wine section. With thumb against lip, he scanned the shelves until he found what he was looking for. “I like sweeter wines, personally. But they have a dry that’s really good.”

“I'll try both,” Light  said as he accepted the bottles.

“I’m L, by the way.”

“Light.”

“What brings you to France?”

“Insanity, probably. I bought the old Chateau  on the hill and decided to restore it. I think I bit off more than I can chew.”

“Oh wow! So _you’re_ the one who bought Chateau de Hantée? Well done. It's a beautiful property.”

Light swallowed thickly.  _ Great.  _ Of course he bought a haunted fucking house.  “Why is it called that?”

“Local lore claims a murderer once lived there. Buried all his victims somewhere on the property. It’s all quite silly, really.”

“Yeah. Silly.” _Fuck._ It would be just his luck to unearth dead bodies while gardening or something. “I was hoping to grow grapes. Get into hobby wine making. Something to pass the time.”

“Well, if he really _ did  _ bury all those people the ground will be quite fertile.” L’s smile was almost  crazy looking in combination with his eyes.

Light simply shook his head. He placed the wine bottles in his cart and smiled softly at strange, beautiful L. “Thank you for all  your help today. I really appreciate it.”

“ No problem. Here’s my card with my number in case you need help with anything else.” L casually handed over a white card with a large gothic L on the front. The back  had his number and “L  Lawliet , private detective.” 

“Thank you!” Light said cheerfully. Perhaps the trip to the store would yield good results after all. L might not be a romantic partner, but he could certainly be a friend. Besides, Light didn’t think any guy could be _ this  _ forward. Could they?

“And if you need any help drinking that wine, I'm great help for that too,” L said with a wink before walking off.

Oh. _Ooohhhh_ _._ Light was a bit slow, it seemed. _He really is that forward._ _Damn._ Once Light recovered, he picked his jaw up off the floor and proceeded to check out. It felt good to know he'd made a friend. Suddenly this small town didn't feel quite so lonely.


	2. Dark pasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light have their first date and things get a little intense when L reveals he knows more about Light than he probably should...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't been sticking to my update schedule. I'm a train wreck, you guys. The divorce, surgery, waiting for test results, moving all in the span of three weeks has me feeling like I live inside a tornado. I'll get into a groove eventually. Thank you for hanging in there!

Light returned home to see the crews had already been hard at work. His stone wall had been fixed and his gate now opened automatically. The Chateau was finally becoming modern. The flowers were a stunning and colorful addition to the front and a new load of gravel gave the driveway new life. Someone had managed to get the fountain working as well. Light admired his new home and hoped the interior looked just as good.

Inside things were a little more slow going. New wallpaper gave the place a much needed face lift and new windows and flooring had been installed. Light looked around at all the improvements as he unloaded his car and brought everything into the kitchen. When he got to the wine, he stared at the black label a moment before grabbing his phone and typing up a text.  ** Hey, it's Light from earlier today. Do you think you'd like to help me drink that wine over dinner tonight? Maybe have some chicken ** ** carbonara with it? **

It didn't take long for a reply to come through.  ** Would love to. What time? **

** 7? **

** See you then. **

Light smiled. A genuine, wide smile splitting across his face in a way he thought he'd forgotten how to do. Little butterflies danced in his stomach and for the first time he felt like he'd really, truly be okay. The worst time in his life was slowly coming to a close, slowly becoming part of the past. It hurt a little less each day and maybe L could help him heal eventually.

The dining room needed a lot of help, but with a table cloth over the old table and a few lit candles, it looked more romantic than old and creepy. Light hadn’t yet unpacked his dishes, but now was as good a time as any. It didn’t take long to find wine glasses and to hand wash everything either. Next on his list of things to buy was a dishwasher. The afternoon wore on as he worked and eventually the workers all called it a day. Light thanked them and waved them off as he prepped the house the best he could. Suddenly Light froze. What if L wanted to stay the night? _Fuck._ Light didn’t even have a mattress. They'd have to make due. He had extra blankets in one of the boxes _somewhere._

Pretty soon  it was quarter to six and Light hadn't even showered yet.  He hurried upstairs to the one bathroom that currently worked and started the shower. It had been years since he'd been on a date.  Even when he was still with his ex they didn't actually ever _ go _ anywhere.  And even though he and L were staying in it was still  promising to be  more fun than he’d had in a very long time.

Light opted for a blue button up and a nice pair of jeans. Nothing fancy but still presentable.  Would cologne be overkill? Did it say “I'm sexy” or “I'm desperate”? A tiny amount couldn't hurt, right? Right. Light laughed at himself for being so indecisive. It was just dinner!  Get it together, man!

When the doorbell rang five minutes to seven, Light rushed down the stairs to open the door and greet his guest. Standing before him in the dim light of his front door was a slightly less disheveled looking detective L Lawliet. “Welcome,” Light said as he ushered L inside.

He was quick to offer L a glass of his preferred poison mainly because Light felt the need to have a drink and take the edge off himself. Glasses in hand, Light offered L a tour of the house, starting in the kitchen. They moved from there to the dining room, the study, then the foyer, then the sun room. There were two bedrooms which would eventually be guest rooms and a bathroom that did not have any working plumbing. Upstairs were four more bedrooms with just as many bathrooms. Then another staircase led them to a large open room with a low ceiling so that they couldn't quite stand. Light explained that this was where the servants slept. L seemed fascinated by the old chateau, imagining the rich history in its bones.

They ended their tour back in the kitchen because they needed refills of their wine. L admired the sunset behind the mountains as he sipped.  “I bet this never gets old.”

“It's only been two days but so far so good,” Light said as he joined L. “ Are you hungry? The food is pretty much ready.”

“Famished.”

Light led L back into the dining room where he insisted L sit while he fetched the food. L sipped his wine as he took in his surroundings. The ancient walls with their peeling wallpaper had a certain charm. The old smells of the house mixed with the scent of cooking food and it brought the place to life. He was glad Light purchased the place and was set on rehabilitating it.  Someone needed to. 

When Light returned he placed another bottle off wine on the table along with a pitcher of water. The food came next in generous portions that looked mouth watering.  L didn't hesitate to dig in, complimenting Light on his amazing skills in the kitchen. “Would you be upset if I told you I researched you after we met?”

Light glanced over the rim of his wine glass and tried not to panic. “Depends on what you found.”

“Well, I learned you earned a fortune your freshman year of college inventing a new app.  You're quite famous in Japan.”

“Fame isn’t quite what people think it is,” Light commented dryly as he sipped his wine. “What else?”

“ You’re a bit of a boy scout. Not even a single speeding ticket.”  L seemed amused  at first, but then his face turned serious. “Then I found the police reports. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just didn't want to pretend I didn't know.”

Light nodded. “I… don't know if I can talk about it.  I haven’t told anyone what happened.”

“It’s good to talk about it, but I don't want to push you.”  _ We’ve only just met, after all. _

Light tried on a weak smile and rubbed his forehead absentmindedly. “Thank you. I should've left after I filed the seventh report. Hell, I should've left after the first. But I was young and dumb and in love.”

“I’m sorry for what happened to you. Truly. I've only known you a day but I think I know you well enough to say you deserve the world.” With that, L reached across the table and took Light’s hand. The hand that had been shattered in a brutal and violent attack. Along with the shattered hand, Light’s eyes, nose, and jaw were so badly broken that he required reconstructive surgery. L had seen all the pictures and had to credit the surgeon. The scars were minimal at best and only noticeable if you knew what to look for.

Maybe it was all the wine, but L’s words resonated with Light and he felt himself becoming emotional.  To distract himself, Light stood from the table and began gathering dishes. “ How about dessert? I made a chocolate mousse with strawberries. ”

L perked up. “You certainly know the way to a man ’ s heart.”

Light quietly chuckled at the words and made his way back to the kitchen.  For the second time he found himself wearing a genuine smile. France was turning out to be quite good for him. Turning to the fridge, Light pulled the cups of mousse out  and finished them off with a bit of homemade whipped cream.

The dessert  had barely touched the table before L started  digging into it. Light found the bit of chocolate mess on the corner of the detectives mouth endearing.  It was nice to have someone so obviously enjoy his cooking. Never before had Light cooked a meal and gotten zero complaints. It was a true miracle.

“I'm going to have to marry you if you cook like this all the time,” L joked as he licked the last bit of chocolate from his finger.

Light blushed,  “A proposal already?”

“I Can't let a catch like you get away. Brilliant, talented, bent on getting me fat and all wrapped up in the most beautiful of packages .”

“ You flatter me.”

“It's true,” L insisted, standing and taking Light’s hand across the table. “It’s a beautiful night. Walk with me?”

“Sure.” Light hadn't seen yet what the landscapers accomplished in the garden out back anyway. It would be nice to see what he'd been paying for.  L held his hand the whole way, admiring what a wonderful garden Light had. The stone pathway was lit by little solar lights and led them to an adorable  pond in the middle of the flower garden. 

“It’s pretty spectacular,” L said as he looked around in awe. His eyes eventually made their way to Light, who was staring back at him. “ Can I kiss you?”

Light nodded and blushed and stepped toward L. Long fingers graced auburn hair as lips met for the first time. The kiss was warm, soft, and sweet. It didn't press for more or invade private places not yet ready for a move like that. It was simple and when it ended, Light wanted to do it again. “Stay the night?”

L nodded slowly,  his arms winding around Light's waist as his fingers traced the back of Light's shirt.  He was a little drunk anyway and didn't need to be driving. That aside, he found Light more and more intoxicating the longer they were together, and that wasn't because he  was drunk.  Light fascinated him. How could somebody so beautiful be so broken?  There was a sadness to his otherwise stunning gold flecked eyes.  He looked like he had lived a thousand lives to L. In many ways he had.  L didn't know what surviving abuse felt like, but he knew what it looked like, and Light's pictures haunted him.

Hand in hand they returned inside where Light apologized for having no mattress.  L remained unbothered. A mess of blankets and pillows on the floor sounded sexy to him.  He kissed Light and reached for the buttons on his shirt, unveiling perfect skin which glowed in the candlelight as he went.  Light shivered and touched L with trembling hands . “Why are you shaking?” L asked, taking one hand and kissing the fingers.

“I- I'm,” embarrassed, Light attempted to cover his face as he lost all composure. He thought he was ready for this. He thought he'd moved on, put all the abuse behind him.

L wrapped his arms around Light and pulled him into his chest.  He waited in silence for Light to calm down. Whoever did this to Light was officially on his shit list. Bastard. The reports didn't mention sexual abuse but L should've guessed it. He should've known.  “ Let's lie down,” L suggested as he stroked soft hair.  “Nothing will happen tonight.”

“I'm sorry.”  Light couldn't have looked more dejected and lost if he tried.

“Don't be. I want you to feel safe with me.”

They snuggled under the blankets on the floor, kissing and holding each other. L silently  promised with every touch to be a better man than Light had ever known.  Long after Light fell asleep, L watched over him  in rapt fascination. The pale glow of the moonlight just outside the bedroom window somehow made Light look so at peace. L wanted that peace to be a permanent fixture for Light. He wanted all kinds of things for Light because if he were being honest, Light already had his heart, and somehow it felt like he always had.


	3. Slippery When Wet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our love birds learn a thing or two about each other, tile, and wet, slick showers.

Light would wake up alone in his pile of bedding, but he wouldn't wonder where L was. The smell of coffee mixed with something sweet baking filtered into the room. After a good stretch and yawn, Light sat up. _Is he singing?_ A smile split across his face as he realized yes, L was singing downstairs to himself in the kitchen as he made whatever it was that smelled so delicious. 

The stairs creaked with each step as L carefully balanced coffee cups and plates of food.  He smiled at Light upon entering the room, his torso pale and perfect in the cool morning light . Light would've loved to ogle _ all  _ of him, but a pair of boxers prevented further visual exploration.  “I can't claim to know how to cook, but I make a mean cinnamon bun,” L said as he handed Light his coffee and set the plate of sticky treats between them on the floor.

“ Looks delicious,” Light said as he sipped his coffee. With a surprised look, he stared at the coffee and then L. “ How did you know I like my coffee with just cream?”

L shrugged as he sat cross legged on the floor. “Lucky guess.”

The cinnamon buns L made were delicious, and despite usually limiting his sweets intake, Light helped himself to two of them. L easily ate the rest and Light wondered how L was not diabetic or grotesquely obese. When they were finished, they both went downstairs where L cleaned the kitchen and refreshed their coffee. Light couldn't recall the last time someone treated him this way. Perhaps when he was a young boy still living at home and his mother doted on him. Before he moved in with his ex. Before he became a slave. Before he became disposable.

L interrupted his negative thoughts as he turned to Light and said, “Well, I don't want to overstay my welcome but I should probably get home and freshen up. ”

Light understood but the disappointment was clear on his face. “I don’t mind if you stink.”

L laughed. “You would quickly change your mind after about a day. I start to smell like old tacos. Nobody needs to be exposed to that.”

It was Light’s turn to laugh. “Alright you win. When can I see you again?”

“ Well, if you're not too sick of me yet, I would like to come back later today and help with your restoration project. I'm not working on a case right now so if you'll have me I'd like to help.”

Light was overjoyed as he followed L to the front door. “Yes! Please do! I could use all the help I can get.”

L kissed Light and squeezed his hands. “I'll be back before you know it.”

“ One question before you go. Where did you learn to be so forward? I love it, don’t get me wrong. Just not used to it.”

L winked and said, “He who strikes first, wins.”

“Fair enough.” Light waved and watched until L disappeared beyond the gate. The giddy feeling of butterflies was still there, and Light decided to shower and freshen up as well for when L returned. He thought about how L had treated him with such respect the night before, how he hadn't pushed Light to do anything he wasn't comfortable with. Light hoped that fear had passed because he _really_ wanted to sleep with the charming detective. Light wondered what sex would be like with someone who respected him. Cared about him. Maybe one day he'd know what it was like with someone who actually loved him. It was something to look forward to. Something to help him bury the past.

The contractor arrived before Light was even finished showering. He'd found the perfect tiles for the master bath, and Light was determined to help get it installed today. Excited to see the tiles, his hair was still sopping wet when he opened the first box. The little  terracotta octagons were utter perfection. Light hoped L was serious about being helpful because the bathroom was _ huge.  _ He supposed he'd find out. __

Lunch was well on its way to being finished when L returned and let himself in. He announced his presence, knowing better than to dare sneaking in. “What smells amazing?” L asked as he wandered into the kitchen and placed his  hands on Light's hips and pecked him on the cheek.

“ Capresse panini’s with a modern twist,” Light explained as he finished plating the sandwiches.  “ They're topped with fresh arugula and a homemade balsamic reduction glaze.”

L simply stared at Light as if to say  _ who the fuck are you and why didn't I find you sooner?  _ “Yup. I knew it. I'm going to get fat if I keep eating your cooking. That sounds  _ fantastic!” _

Light laughed a bit. “If eating six cinnamon buns in a row doesn't put weight on you I think you're safe from my cooking.”

L shrugged. _Fair._ They sat at the rustic wood table that looked as ancient as the rest of the house and yet was somehow still charming. The sandwiches were mind blowingly good according to L, who was still convinced Light was going to make him fat. When Light explained that they'd be tiling the bathroom floor, L was more than happy to help even though his knowledge of floor tiling was sorely lacking. At least he brought enthusiasm to the table.

With a lot of help from some of the workers, Light and L were able to take over and get the floor mostly tiled. It was tedious work, but L was used to going slow and being precise. He didn't want to fuck up such a beautiful floor. It didn’t matter that his neck and arms burned with fatigue. The evening sunlight shining through the window cast a stunning red and orange glow onto the tile. The men admired their work. They were dirty, tired, and sweaty but proud of their accomplishment.

“Wine?” Light asked at the end of the day.

“ Please,” L said. It had been a very long time since L had worked so hard physically and he was already feeling it. Wine was just what he needed to relax his aching body.

He followed Light into the kitchen and happily accepted his glass. After a few sips, Light cast a look over L that made him shiver. Shyly,  Light said, “I want to try again tonight, if you're willing.”

_ If I'm willing? I've never worked so hard to get in somebody’s pants in my life!  _ “ Of course. We’ll go at your pace. Maybe take a shower first?”

Light cocked a brow. “Together?”

“I can't think of a better way.”

Light was completely sold on the idea. There was nothing sexier than a steamy shower, and it was great foreplay to boot. Holding hands, they brought their wine upstairs and Light was quick to take off his shirt this time. Turning around, he tossed it in the hamper in the corner of his otherwise barren bedroom.

L noticed a rather large scar by his shoulder blade. It was the only truly obvious one Light had. He walked up to Light and touched  i t with a finger. “ What happened here?”  _ More abuse? _ __

“Open heart surgery. I've got this rare defect,” Light explained casually.

“Are you okay?” L was alarmed. Would Light need future surgeries?

“ Yeah. It'll never be totally fixed but chances are I’ll live to a ripe old age.” He said as he turned back to L and kissed him.

“ Chances?” L wasn't feeling reassured at all.

“I mean, if you stick around you might wake up to a dead  body one day.” Light chuckled but L wasn’t amused.  Light brushed his thumb over L ’s cheek. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I also really like you and I don't want to lie to you or lead you on.  The reality is that I might not live as long as you, so that's a real thing to consider before getting into a relationship with me.”

“Well it’s too late. I'm smitten.  I’ll take you and your wonky ticker. ” L lightly pushed his index finger against Light's chest as if to address his heart, “And  _ you _ better keep working for the next fifty years _ at least.” _

Light laughed and wrapped L in his arms. “ You really want me that long?”

“Longer, if possible,” L said between kisses.  “I realize we've known each other two days but I've always been a man who knows what he wants. And I want you.”

“I want you too,” Light whispered. L’s words had that wonky ticker of his beating hard. Nobody had ever said anything like that to him before. Nobody had ever made him feel so loved. It was foreign but he knew it shouldn't have been. The last ten years of his life had been spent simply trying to survive. There wasn't room to consider love or romance amongst broken bones and being made to feel worthless. Light was convinced for years that nobody else would ever want him. That he was damaged goods. Yet here love stood before him, wanting him, showing him his worth.

They undressed,  completely naked before each other for the first time and yet neither felt odd about it. They were both completely comfortable with themselves and each other. As they waited for the water to warm, hands explored hard flesh, mapping out  their favorite places to touch, kiss, and tease.

When they stepped inside the shower, steam clouded the glass walls.  They kissed beneath the hot spray of water as it rained down upon them.  L was an assertive lover. Not forceful, but not timid.  Light couldn't decide how he felt about it . Would L slow down if he asked him? Light found himself pressed against the shower wall as L made out with him and his exploring hands began pumping his dick to erection.  It was difficult to focus his thoughts amongst the flurry of hormones and emotions he felt. He wanted this, it felt _ so good,  _ but L was moving too fast for him.

He was able to keep a lid on things until he tried to  move a bit beneath L and found his ability to do so was limited.  Panic set in, overriding any sense of pleasure Light was having at all. Without thinking, he shoved L off of him as he screamed, eyes locked shut. L slipped and fell onto his ass, but was otherwise unharmed. “Light?” L asked, looking up at a shaking, heavy breathing Light above  him.

Light’s hand was firmly spread across his chest, as though that would help slow the hammering he felt within . With eyes wide open and panting mouth agape, Light finally turned his eyes down to a sopping wet L still lying on the shower floor, cocked up on elbows.  Light took a deep breath and winced. Embarrassment flooded him as he stood there. “I'm sorry,” he breathed, “I'm so sorry.”

Unable to contain himself, L burst into laughter. For a moment, Light was confused. Was L laughing at him? It didn't take long for Light to be pulled from his worried thoughts and start laughing too. L managed to scramble up onto his feet without looking too much like a buffoon, still giggling as he did so. Without another word, he cut the water off and opened the shower door, reaching into the brisk air for a towel. He then brought it around Light's shivering shoulders, wrapping him softly. L smiled sheepishly beneath wet bangs. “ _I'm_ the one who should be sorry.”


	4. Smoot!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY our boys do the deed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday today and I am celebrating with a smut chapter. You're welcome! LMAO

After drying off and being somewhat clean, L scooted onto their makeshift “bed” and laid on his back. “Do whatever feels right to you,” he told Light as he gazed up into stunning gold flecked eyes. Light’s hair was tousled and air dried, looking messy in a sexy way that L simply couldn’t get enough of.  _ Does he ever not look hot?  _

Light crawled on top of L and hovered, all sense of panic and anxiety from earlier gone. He trusted L implicitly now. Time after time in their short stint together L had shown himself to be a man of integrity, patience, and capable of great love. Light had never had that before, didn’t feel worthy of it even now, but he wasn’t going to say no to it. He lowered his face to kiss L’s abdomen, and the muscles beneath tightened as L giggled at the ticklish touch. Lowering himself comfortably onto the blankets and between L’s legs, Light kissed above the belly button, then below, making his way down to the muscular thighs he had his arms around, holding apart.

“Ah, Light, yes! Please!” L began to beg as Light teased him with his mouth, kissing, nipping, and licking thighs and everywhere in between. He was holding off from touching what was now a straining, deep red erection, a devilish smile curling up the corners of his  lips as he went. L’s entire body seemed to shudder when Light blew a soft stream of air from base to tip. “Please...” L panted, desperate as he fisted the blankets beneath him, “Please at least  _ touch it.” _

Light huffed a laugh under his breath. Being in control was a lot of fun. Teasing L was a lot of fun too. But it wouldn’t be fair to not follow through. In fact, that would be cruel and Light was not into such things. So, in the spirit of not being cruel, Light licked the tip of L’s cock free of precome before swallowing it down nearly entirely to the base. The hisses and groans and words that tumbled from L’s mouth sounded so hot and needy to Light’s ears. He’d never heard anything so wonderful in all his life. Never knew sex could be so amazing for having done _so little._

L traded blankets for hair and gently grabbed onto Light’s tousled locks. “Is this okay?”

“Mmmm,” Light hummed as he nodded and bobbed and sucked. L tightened his grip in Light’s hair and Light found he enjoyed it. It didn’t hurt, and it wasn’t forceful. It was passionate and gentle and made Light trust L all the more. Overwhelmed with love for the detective, Light pulled off the erection and pulled himself up to L’s mouth. They kissed passionately, breathing heavily as tongues twined and lips were gently tugged between teeth. L launched his head up toward Light hungrily and Light met him with equal desire. 

Hips rocked erections together and L ran his nails lightly over Light’s back as he felt himself growing closer to orgasm. “Can I grab your ass?” He panted between kisses. Light nodded and L immediately began kneading the muscular ass above him as it thrust forward and down upon his erection. L ran a finger from the top of Light’s crack to the base, sneaking a finger against his puckered entrance. Light didn’t hesitate or freeze, so L continued playing with Light’s ass. “Light, I’m...I’m going to...” L tried to warn Light but his orgasm crashed through him so fast that he couldn’t completely finish his statement.

Light pushed himself up and watched L come between them. It was his favorite part of sex, if he were being honest. Something about the sticky white liquid was so hot. The way it dripped off the tip. The way it tasted. “May I?” Light asked  as he lowered himself back over L’s softening cock.

“Oh, yes you may-hey-hey!” L arched his back as Light sucked the last bits of come from L’s dick, moving on to his stomach right afterward. Light was a bit kinky, it seemed, and L loved every single bit of it.

L had started stroking Light’s erection soon after coming. He continued playing with Light's ass, but without lube he didn't try to penetrate him.  Light groaned as he finished cleaning L off, his pleasure building  until he felt he might explode. He trembled, toes  curling and arms giving way as L squeezed his throbbing cock and teased his hole. Light couldn’t figure out how the hell it could be  _ this good  _ without penetration. He could scarcely imagine what it  _ would  _ be like with it.

They lay together in the after glow, L tasting come on Light ’s mouth as they kissed. L’s hands had taken to kneading that beautiful ass on top of him, occasionally pushing down on it to press their flaccid, spent cocks together and get a shiver out of Light. L could tell they were both getting hard again and he wondered what more Light was up for.  Kissing  Light's sweaty forehead, L slid his hands up a  smoothly muscled back. “ Are you okay with more?”

Light nodded. More sounded good to him. “ What did you have in mind?”

“How do you feel about topping me? I thought maybe you would be more comfortable with that.”

Light was pleasantly surprised by the offer. “I'm _ very  _ comfortable with that. Are you sure?”

L nodded, his crooked smile and dark, come hither eyes giving all the permission Light needed. He slid down L’s sticky abdomen and settled between his legs, pushing up on L’s thighs and parting his cheeks a bit. L hissed and clutched at the blankets beneath him when Light’s warm tongue teased and penetrated his puckered hole. Thighs trembled and toes curled and L wished that tongue could reach his prostate. When Light came up to search for lube, L was almost relieved while simultaneously missing the warmth between his legs. It didn’t take long for Light to return with a lubed finger, however, and expertly begin preparing him as he stroked L’s spent cock back to attention. Having already orgasmed, L was already relaxed and easily stretched. Light liberally lubed his own erection before checking one last time that L was ready for him. Bending over, he kissed the dark headed detective before gently pressing inside. L shivered beneath him, trading the bedding beneath him for Light’s shoulders as he squeezed and hissed through grit teeth. “It’s been a while,” he sheepishly admitted.

Light kissed sweat matted bangs, “I’ll be gentle.” He knew he could make good on this promise. He had to. Light didn’t have as much experience topping but he did have plenty of experience being a berated bottom. He knew what too much force or not enough prep would do. He knew all too well how much it meant to ask for gentle and actually get it. Light never got it when he asked for it, and he wouldn’t do that to L. Ever. 

Inch by inch, Light made his way inside the tight body beneath him, caressing hair and kissing swollen lips as his hips obeyed his every command perfectly. He could feel when L became rigid and would wait until he relaxed. It wasn’t long before L relaxed entirely and Light was free to move inside his lover the way he wanted. L’s face twisted so perfectly when he found the prostate, and Light kept that angle, kept burying himself to the hilt and pounding into it. No matter how much his thighs burned or his arms trembled, he’d bring L the pleasure he himself had been denied. He’d milk L dry if he could, reduce him to a shivering, sputtering mess that couldn’t form a single sentence to save his life. Yes, that’s what Light would do.

By the time they’d both climaxed again, they were an exhausted mess of entangled limbs and bodily fluid. Too tired to get up and take care of their mess, they fell asleep in the sweet embrace of one another. Both had found a happiness they weren’t sure had even existed even a day before. It was insanity, but it was also perfection. Pale moonlight blessed their naked bodies as they dreamed of happier things and breathed each other in during the night. Maybe morning would kiss them too. Maybe every night after that would be a celebration. Only time would tell.


	5. Ex's and Oh's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L lands a big case and has to go. Light's ex makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ho! This is your warning for brutal assault and a mild description of rape. Also, I don't name the ex...yet...but who do you think he is?

This time when the sunlight gently roused Light through his bedroom window, he didn't wake up alone.  _ I must've wore him out last night,  _ Light thought with a smug smirk as he thumbed stray hairs from the detectives face. Now that he had a better view, Light could decide once and for all that the man he'd made love to the night before was indeed beautiful. There was something innocent about his face. Innocent and yet mysterious. It were as though a great treasure lay just beneath the surface. That upon opening his eyes, L might bestow upon Light the wonders of a thousand galaxies.  Light could only hold his breath and hope that it was t rue.

“I hope you never leave,” Light whispered into dark hair. 

L finally stirred and rubbed his tired eyes. It took him a moment to recall the night before. His sore body  didn't hesitate to remind him of his transgressions. L smiled anyway. “ Good morning.”

Light greeted him with a kiss  and arms that held him close.  There was no going back now; not after last night.  L had a piece of his soul now and Light hoped he understood.  _ Stay with me forever,  _ his eyes, lips, and hands pleaded.

It would be just his luck, however, for L to receive a phone call that carried him away. “It’s  Watari , an associate of mine. Apparently I'm needed for a rather big case.”

_Stay here. Work here. Use whatever you need._ Light wanted to say the words but they dripped with desperation. Besides, he didn't even have WiFi set up yet. Such a primitive life he led. Together they stood from their makeshift bed and stretched the kinks from their bodies. After dressing, they walked hand in hand down the stairs to the kitchen. Breakfast would be a to go cup of coffee for L.

“What’s the case about?” Light asked as he poured L a cup.

“You've heard of Kira, I'm sure.”

Light nodded as he fastened the lid and handed the drink to L. “I have. Scary stuff for criminals and those who oppose him.”

L quirked a slight grin, “So you think Kira is a man?”

Light shrugged. “Probably some teenage boy with emotional problems and high intelligence. I mean, you'd have to be smart to evade the police for this long.  You'd also have to be a bit of an arrogant prick to go around killing people like this. I bet he's young. His sense of justice is rather underdeveloped if you ask me.”

L’s jaw could've hit the floor.  _ Who is this beautiful man?  _ “You would make a great detective, you know.”

Light half laughed. “My father was the chief of police back in Japan.  I learned a few things from him but it just wasn't my calling.”

“I see,” L said as he made his way to the front door.  “Thank you for everything.”

Light thought he saw the slightest hint of blush on the pale face before him. “ My pleasure, truly.” 

They kissed one last lingering time before L finally forced himself to leave. Light decided in that moment to make one of the many vacant rooms an office for L. He'd get him a desk and whatever kind of computer he wanted. Any equipment L needed, he'd get. Light smiled as he sipped his coffee and dared to dream about sharing his life with L. It would be bliss.

A knock at the door pulled Light from his daydream and he hoped the mattress had _finally_ fucking arrived. Light opened the door with flourish, ready to greet the delivery guys who would be saving his back. The person on the other side wasn’t a delivery guy, however. The shattering of the mug as it hit the hardwood floor didn't even register with Light. His heart pounded in his ears as his vision blurred. “No,” he gasped as he tried to slam the door shut again. 

Large hands easily shoved the door back open, the force of it throwing Light to the floor. “ Did you miss me?” A low voice nearly growled as a large man entered the chateau.  “I _ certainly  _ missed you.”

Light picked himself up off the floor and tried to control his shaking body as he fumbled for his phone. “ Get out of my house!”

A strong hand made its way across Light’s face, knocking the wind out of him as he fell back onto the floor. “ That's no way to greet me.”

Light’s phone had fallen from his hand and slid across the floor. Light scrambled for it but found himself being pinned in place against the  hardwoods. The other man was much bigger than him in every way, and Light cried out in desperation to feel his clothing so easily ripping from his body. He clawed so hard to get free that  deep  scratches were left in the wood floor and Light’s  fingers  began to bleed beneath the nail beds. He twisted beneath his assailant and attempted to strike, but it was no use.

With one swift motion, Light’s head was easily slammed back onto the floor.  He felt dizzy and his head throbbed. Now completely naked from the waist down, Light shivered. He knew what was coming.  The sharp, searing pain of being ripped apart was enough to knock Light unconscious. At least he wouldn’t have to be awake while his ex  forced himself inside Light’s body .

The general contractor would be the one to find Light’s body. He thought Light was dead. There was so much blood and he couldn’t tell if Light was breathing. His hands shook so hard that he could barely dial the police from his cell phone. Grabbing a nearby throw, he covered Light's nakedness as he waited for the police and ambulance to arrive.

Once it was determined that Light was alive, he was rushed to the hospital.  The contractor couldn’t shake his nerves and started cleaning up the “crime scene” once the police had documented everything and left.  He buffed out the scratches and mopped up the blood. By the time he was done,  nobody would be able to tell anything traumatizing had even taken place.


	6. Gut Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L is sure something is very wrong when he can't get a hold of Light

Across town, L had attempted several times to call and text Light. Frustrated, he looked up from his computer monitor to the old man serving him fresh coffee. “ I'm taking a break from this case and checking on Light.”

“Very well sir,”  W atari nodded, opting for a to-go cup for L.

L accepted the coffee with little thanks, too distracted and worried for niceties. Something wasn’t right. His gut was screaming at him and he finally obeyed.  Light's mountain  hom e wasn’t too far  of a drive, and anyway L needed a break. He'd developed a hell of a crick in his neck from being in front of the computer so long.

Things seemed to be business as usual when L pulled up the drive to the chateau.  Landscapers were planting trees along the drive and fixing the fence line of the pastures. The mattress had  _ finally  _ arrived and L quirked a slight grin. It would be nice to fuck Light in a  _ real  _ bed. 

Letting himself in, L glanced around. “Light?”

The contractor waved from upstairs and came hurriedly down to meet L, face twisted with worry. He spoke fast in French  and L struggled to keep up, wishing his French was just a little bit better.  It was good enough to decipher that Light had been assaulted and taken to the hospital.  “Merci!” L said frantically with a squeeze of the other man's  shoulder. He couldn't get Out the door and to his car fast enough. It felt like he was trudging through thick sand, his head swimming with panic. The hospital wasn't a far drive, but L  felt like it took eternity.

It was hard for him not to slam his fists on the front desk  at the hospital and demand to see Light.  The thin woman sitting behind the counter seemed  unphased by  his panicked questions. If anything, she came across as tired and a little bit bored. After slowly clicking away on her computer, she informed the frantic detective that Light was currently under  a security watch and she wasn’t sure he could visit.

_ I'll see about that.  _ L was able to get  the room number and floor off her computer screen and faked wanting to know where the cafeteria was. Once in the elevator, he took several deep breaths to try and calm himself. Hopefully  whoever was guarding Light was somebody L knew. He’d made a lot of friends and enemies during his time as an investigator and he silently hoped this person was a friend. 

As luck would have it, the officer assigned to guarding Light was an old friend. “Matsuda!” L feigned an affectionate smile as he approached. “It’s been ages!”

“L? What are you doing here?” The young , dark haired officer asked as he stood from his chair in the hallway and smiled in return.

“I've come to interview the victim. Is he awake?”

Matsuda scratched the back of his head. “Eh, I'm not really supposed to let people in.”

“Come on, Matsui.  It’s  _ me.” _

“Yeah, that's true. Okay you can go in. He's awake.”

L patted the idiot officer on the shoulder as he strolled by, triumphant. The feeling faded back into anxiety as L entered the dark room and caught a glance at a very beat up looking Light. It felt like something out of a movie. A machine of some kind softly beeped as an IV bag silently dripped above him. 

“Hey,” Light said softly upon seeing L. He would've smiled but it hurt to do so.

L  brou ght a chair up to the side of Light's bed and gently took his hand. “I should've never left you,” he whispered, failing to keep his voice composed as he softly stroked the bruised skin.

“Don't do that to yourself. You are not responsible,” Light quietly scolded. “You're here now. Besides, had I not been hospitalized, doctors wouldn’t have discovered a problem with my heart, so in a way, my ex kind of saved me.”

L felt a cold shock hit him. “ What's wrong? Is it your defect?”

“Yeah. The last surgery  was not as successful as my cardiologist had hoped.  He is going to have to go back in once I'm healed. No more physical strain for now. I can’t work on the house or anything until I'm cleared. ” Light seemed genuinely disappointed about his current restrictions as his thumb circled around the skin of L’s hand as he held it.

“ Well, I can help around the house,” L insisted. “You’ll be a right couch potato if I have anything to do with it.”

Light snickered,  bracing for the bit of pain it caused. “You know, it’s foolish of me, but after you left I thought I could make one of the rooms in the chateau an office for you to do your work in.”

L's breath caught as Light lifted pleading eyes to him. “Are you asking me to move in?  _ Already?” _

Light quietly snickered again. “Oh, I'm far too much of a prude to do that. I was just thinking it would be… you know… mutually beneficial if you never left again.”

L gently dared to cup Light’s swollen cheek and lightly kiss his lips. “ And I'm far too polite to decline.”

***

It would be a few days before Light was discharged from the hospital. He was delighted to come home to an actual _bed_ in his room, the antique wooden frame put together perfectly and draped with freshly laundered blankets, all courtesy of L. “It's a proper bedroom!” Light announced, excited. The room was really coming together now. The window allowed the perfect amount of light to cast over the bed and across the refinished hardwoods. The antique armoire and night stands had been professionally reclaimed by a local artist and matched the bed frame so well it almost looked like a show room. 

The contractor Light had hired appeared in the doorway, removed his hat and nodded at Light, “I am so glad you are doing well. I was so afraid for you,” he said in thickly accented English.

Light hugged the man, patting his back several times. “Thank you for saving me,” Light s aid.

Walking from the car, up the stairs to his room, and talking with several people was the most activity Light could withstand. He promptly fell asleep once L helped him into bed. Kissing Light's forehead, L made sure Light’s pain medication and a fresh cup of water was laid out on the nightstand. The remote to the TV was well within reach. _Snacks,_ L thought as he took the stairs down to the kitchen. A small wicker fruit bowl was perfect for holding an apple, banana, some crackers and a bag of chips. There wasn't much else. L considered going to market in the near future, but was terrified of leaving Light alone again. Perhaps he'd get a delivery service instead.

When Light woke due to returning pain,  the first thing he noticed was L fast asleep beside him. Next he noticed his well organized nightstand of goodies. Sitting up, he took two pain pills with a sip of water and tried to breathe through the growing pain.  Once the narcotics kicked in he could go back to sleep, but right now his face throbbed, his back throbbed,  _ everything  _ throbbed. Slowly, he turned to look at L.  Light felt desperate and emotional as he wondered if he'd ever be able to have sex again. Physically he would heal, but emotionally? Mentally?  Could he get over the  scars?

It was probably just as much the pain as it was anything else that caused his tears to roll. The soft sniffling managed to wake L, who snapped to attention quickly. “What's wrong?”

“ It’s just the pain. It'll pass,” Light whispered through grit teeth.

“ Would you like the heating pad?” L offered, already plugging it in.

Light nodded, accepting the warm pad as he reclined.  Light remained silent as the plain ebbed and flowed until finally it quieted.  Tears were now dry, mind a bit foggy, body relaxed. Light sighed and closed his eyes. Reaching blindly for L’ s hand, he squeezed it weakly. “Thank you.”

“ It’s my pleasure, truly. I just want you well,” L said as he scooted closer to Light, trying not to disturb the mattress too much.  Ever so gently, L placed a kiss to Light's cheek.  _ I already love you. I know  _ _ I _ _ do.  _ He recalled the horror that had struck him at thinking Light might be dead.  Just the thought of losing Light caused his chest to tighten.  _ His bastard ex will pay,  _ he thought.  L would make sure an attempted murder charge stuck.  L would do everything in his power to send that bastard away forever.

Once Light fell back asleep, L gingerly got up from the bed and got to work.  Down in the kitchen, he poured a strong cup of coffee as he called on an old friend. “ Aizawa . Hey, it’s L. I'm finally calling in that favor.”


	7. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light's ex is arrested and his identity revealed (even though everyone already knew who it was haha!)

L couldn’t have been more amused that detective Petit was, in fact, a rather large man. He was an excellent detective,  however, and L respected that. Reading over the most recent report, L sneered a bit, “ Teru ? What kind of stupid ass name is that? Sounds like a bird.”

Detective Petit agreed with a polite smile. “Your boyfriend isn’t the only one this man has accosted, apparently.  There’s quite a long list of  people who have reported him. More, I'm sure, who haven’t. ”

“Well, let’s go pick him up. My buddy  Aizawa said he’s been stopped at the airport for a random search,” L said as he set the papers back on the desk before him.  _ Thank you,  _ _ Aizawa _ _.  _

Together with a few other well armed officers, L and Petit made their way to Charles De Gaul. Anxiety rose in L’s belly, but it wasn’t over Light’s safety. A police car was parked outside the chateau and the contractor and workers were making sure Light was alright. This was excited anxiety. The feeling L always got before closing in on the person or group he’d been investigating. Teru Mikami wouldn’t be getting away with his crimes, attempted murder at the top of the list of charges.

The airport was bustling with busy travelers headed in and out of Paris. The airport was large, but thankfully their suspect was already in custody. He just didn’t know it yet. Petit led them to a room where only security could usually go. Teru could be seen through a two way mirror looking irritated that he may miss his flight. His arms were crossed as he leaned back in his chair, demanding either his ticket be refunded or he get put on the next flight out of there.

“Let’s go get this asshole,” L said as he stepped by Petit and  walked out of the room, toward the one  Teru was sitting in. He knocked lightly on the door before opening it. “Hi there. I'll take it from here,” L informed the security guard sitting across from  Teru .

The security guard nodded and stood, exiting quickly. No doubt he would be watching this scumbag go down from the other room. L casually walked in, his heart pounding wildly with excitement. Finally, he got to see Teru Mikami face to face. Sitting down, L noticed that this man was handsome, but his looks were tainted by a strong creep factor. His sleek, slightly greasy hair somewhat covered troubled looking eyes. L shivered. How the _fuck_ did Light ever end up with a guy like this? “Hello, Teru Mikami. I'm detective L.”

“Okay…?”  Mikami leaned forward a bit, arms still  crossed .

“I believe you've heard of me, considering your work as an attorney,” L said as he folded his fingers together atop the table. “ I've put away some of the most prolific serial killers of our time.”

“ Yes, I know who you are,”  Mikami said, trying to sound casual.  “What do you want with me?”

“What I want is for you to rot in a rusty, damp, rat infested prison cell without windows for the rest of your worthless life,” L said with a stark coldness.  “You see, you've hurt someone very dear to me. Someone I have grown to love very much. And I am the vengeful sort, you see. I just can't let things go.”

The words were a shock to  Teru , who became irate at the accusation. “Who ?! Who did I hurt? I haven't hurt anyone! ”

“Oh, but you did,” L said, still calm as he stood. Leaning toward Mikami, he whispered, “I would kill you myself if I could. But I don't have to. You know I have friends in low places.”

Mikami gulped hard, eyes widening. He knew how powerful L was. Was this guy really him? Was it a bluff?  “You  would really dare to threaten me?” 

“Yes,” L whispered, walking around the table. “Now put those filthy hands behind your back, you bastard. You're under arrest for the rape and attempted murder of Light  Yagami .”

“ I always knew that piece of ass wasn’t worth it,”  Mikami sneered as L harshly cuffed him. “ He deserved it. I should’ve made sure he was dead.”

L jerked  Mikami out of his seat, “Come on, asshole,” he said. He wasn’t about to let this guy ruffle his feathers. They stepped outside the room  where Petit and the other officers were waiting. “Make sure he goes to the biggest shithole on the planet,” L said with a grin.

Petit nodded, “Of course.”

The men made their way out of the airport to the awaiting police cars. Onlookers gaped and pointed, wondering what was going on. News of Mikami’s arrest would break soon, and his other victims contacted to help pad the case against him. L didn't need luck to know the bastard was going away for life. L also knew Mikami wouldn't last long in prison. L would make sure of that.

The train ride back to the chateau felt like it took eternity. Exhausted, L fell asleep . It had been a long, difficult day. All he wanted was to get back to Light and never leave him again.  The feel of the train coming to a stop inside the station roused him, and L groggily made his way  off the train and to the nearest café.  Sweet, life giving caffeine.  L shot  Watari a text to let him know he’d arrived. It was nice knowing he wouldn’t have to drive home.  _ Home.  _ He thought, realizing that’s exactly what the chateau felt like now. It felt like home.  Light felt like home. 

Light was sleeping quite soundly right where L had left him that morning. The basket of snacks was depleted and the water cup empty. L sighed. Light had eaten better today than yesterday. Perhaps the pain was under better control now. L planted a kiss to Light's forehead before climbing gingerly into bed next to him. Sleep swept over him quickly, sweet dreams about wedding bands and little feet and happy giggles on Spring mornings out in the French countryside filling his mind. L wanted everything with Light, and in order to have it, they just needed to get over the next hurdle; Light’s heart.


	8. Thoughts of Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light is slowly healing and L is considering the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super cute chapter for you guys. Can I just say that I appreciate all the love this sweet story is getting? Thank you so much! I love all the feedback and how happy everyone seems with this story. You guys make my heart siiiiiing!

“Can I be candid with you?” L asked over his coffee cup as he and Light enjoyed  their breakfast outside before the heat of day crept in.

“Of course,” Light said, spreading jam on his toast.

“ It bothers me, sometimes, the way you act like your heart condition is no big deal. It's a big deal. It's a very big deal.”

Light reached for L’s hand across the table, sympathy written on his face. “I agree. It keeps me calm and my stress in check to not worry about it. That’s why I'm this way.  But if you've noticed, I've been good about limiting physical activity.”

“No you have not!” L rolled his eyes. “You lugged five loads of laundry upstairs yesterday. ”

Light smiled sheepishly. “They were light loads.”

“Uh huh,” L grumbled teasingly, not believing Light in the slightest. L was worried sick about Light's upcoming surgery and Light knew that. There was little he could do to comfort his loving, dark haired detective, however. “ Watari can do the laundry, Light. Please let him help.”

“Okay,” Light conceded as he bit into his toast.  Being in love was a pain in the a ss.

The lovers enjoyed a quiet meal as they gazed out over the mountains. The Chateau was nearly  finished having all major remodeling. All that was really left was furnishing the place. Today would be Light’s first big outing into town since  his attack, and he was ready. Cabin fever had fully set in by now and he was dying to do  _ something.  _

L, of course, asked that Light limit walking and use his wheelchair wherever possible. Under no circumstances was he allowed to lift anything over 5lbs. Light conceded if only because he was so ready to get out of the chateau.  Watari brought the car around as L cleared the dishes and Light wanted to jump up from his chair and run to the car. Doing so would definitely kill him, but it didn't stop him from being excited anyway.

Light's sunny smile never left his face for a moment the entire ride to town. L held his hand and stole glances at his stunning partner. He knew Light still had pain and that his worsening heart condition fatigued him as well. Yet somehow Light managed to focus on all the things that brought him joy.  L admired that about his love.  _ You amaze me,  _ L thought.  _ I'm going to marry you. _ _ Come hell or high water. _

Their trip was a huge success, Light humoring L by allowing L to push him in a wheelchair and Light finding nearly everything he needed to decorate several rooms. He wanted an easel mirror for their bedroom, and matching furniture sets for at least 3 other rooms. This way, Watari had a comfortable place to call his own while he and L could entertain guests. Light’s grand plans for the future of the Chateau was to make it a bed and breakfast. L had expressed interest in helping him run it and Light pictured them living happily in the Chateau together, cooking meals for their guests and telling them about the local sights. Maybe as they got older they’d bicker back and forth like couples did, teasing each other endlessly. It sounded like the perfect life to Light.

“Oh, they'll deliver  _ and  _ assemble everything for a small fee. I'll definitely do that,” Light said as he prepared to pay for his goods. It made L happy to hear him say that and saved Light the  trouble of hearing L bitch about Light doing too much.

Once back home, Light was thoroughly exhausted and ready for a nap. L sweetly tucked him in bed, keeping his worry about Light’s fading stamina to himself. “I love you,” L whispered as he kissed Light's forehead.

“I love you too,” Light replied weakly, eyes still closed.

L blushed. He’d only said it because he thought Light was asleep. He had to admit hearing the words warmed his heart. He wanted to hear them again. As L softly closed the door and headed to his office down the hall, he thought it would be nice to start saying it out loud. When Light next woke, he would. It was obvious they loved each other, so why not just say it?

“What do diamond engagement rings have to do with your case, sir?”  Watari asked as he poured L a fresh cup of coffee and placed a small plate of cookies before him.

“Uh, nothing,” L tried to hide his  embarrassment . He’d gotten distracted with daydreams about he and Light and began researching engagement rings and marriage. He’d have to wipe his search history later, he thought.  Watari was too nosey for his own good.

“Very well, sir,”  Watari said as he exited the room. 

Once the door was closed, L resumed his search.  _ I wonder what size he wears? _ L wasn’t one to go ring shopping. Ordering it online seemed like the way to go in his opinion. The thought of giving it to Light made him anxious suddenly. What if Light wasn’t ready? What if he thought it was too soon? What if he didn’t want to be with L forever? Doubts began tormenting him as his mouse hovered over the ‘purchase’ button. So lost in thought was L that he didn’t hear the door creak open or the soft padding footsteps toward him. “What are you doing?” Light asked quietly.

L startled but knew the jig was up. He turned in his chair and looked up at Light sheepishly. “Would you ever want to marry me?”

Light shifted his weight from one foot to the other, still uncomfortable with standing for long periods of time. He narrowed his eyes at first, then smiled and laughed a bit. “Yes, actually. I think I would ever want to marry you.”

L stood and took Light’s hands, “Really?”

Light kissed his sweet detective. “Really.”


	9. Heart Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light needs emergency heart surgery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all ready to crash the angst train?

The two sat together in the dark of L’s office and looked at rings in the light of his computer monitor for about two hours before they decided on a simple pair of silver bands with an infinity symbol etched on the inside. Light said he felt like diamonds were too flashy for his taste and L was glad because he wasn’t a fancy person either. They ordered the rings and Light turned in L’s lap, hands tangled in messy dark hair, and kissed him. “Make love to me.”

“Are you sure?” L asked, hands roaming over soft skin beneath Light’s robe.

Light pressed his erection into L’s belly. “Yes. I need you now.”

L wasn’t one who needed to be asked twice. He lifted Light up by the thighs and set him on his computer desk, lips never leaving Light’s own. He kissed his jaw, chin, and neck. Pushing aside the robe for better access, L nipped Light’s shoulder as he stroked his hard shaft. They hadn’t had sex in weeks because Light was too weak, and L had to admit he felt pretty desperate for it. By the feel of things, so was Light. “Let me know if I need to stop,” L said as his lips explored Light’s body and his hand continued working Light’s erection.

Light tipped his head back, eyes closed in rapture as his fingers clung to black tousled locks. “More,” he whispered, breathless, hardly able to contain his want, his  n eed .

L licked and sucked hard nipples , his free hand massaging Light's ass, fingers  inching between the tight cheeks. He pressed a dry finger against Light's entrance, but wouldn't dare press inside without lube.  Light groaned above him, body beginning to tremble. “I want it,” he breathed, “I want it, L.”

“Okay, ” L mumbled around pink flesh before lifting off Light’s nipples and surging his wet mouth down onto Light’s cock. He sucked fervently, Light’s cries of pleasure above him an encouraging  song.

Suddenly, Light stiffened, clenching L’s shoulders hard. “Stop!” Light shouted.

L popped up to see a pale, wide eyed Light clutching his chest. “Is it your heart?”

Light felt like he couldn’t breathe as he nodded, his wild heart beating erratically, the feeling of something heavy swelling in his chest.

“Do we need to go to the hospital?” L asked as he stood and righted Light’s robe and fixed his own pants.  _ Stay calm,  _ _ Lawliet _ _. Stay calm. _

Light nodded again, doing his very best to breathe steadily in through his nose and out through his mouth, the pain in his chest multiplying by the second. It was a stupid idea to try and have sex, and Light knew it. He just didn’t want to die like this. Not now. Not when he just found the love of his life. They were supposed to get married and plan their future. 

As L rushed down the stairs with Light in his arms, Light lost consciousness. “Don’t die on me you bastard!” L snarled angrily. They’d been through too much to give up now. Tears would help nothing, but they fell anyway. L was so mad at himself for not being more careful with Light. 

They piled into the backseat of the car and  Watari sped off like a demon.  L checked Light’s breathing and pulse.  _ As long as he's alive, it'll all be okay.  _ “Don't leave me, Light. Please don't leave me,” L begged into Light's chest.

One strategic advantage of the c hateau wa s that it was roughly a mile from the nearest hospital. Not only that, but this particular hospital had an excellent cardiology center. It was part of Light's decision in buying the chateau in the first place, and right now L was thanking Light for having such fantastic forethought. He hoped it was enough to save him.

Hospital staff was already outside awaiting their arrival. Watari had called ahead and said they were coming. This gave them time to get in touch with Light's cardiologist and start prepping an OR. It seemed that Light Yagami would be having his surgery a little sooner than expected.

L didn't have to carry Light in because several techs brought a gurney out to the car. He stepped aside so they could do their job, feeling helpless as they rushed Light inside the building.  L didn't know what to do with his trembling hands or weakening knees or aching chest. He just wanted Light to be  alright. He wanted to go back to just a few minutes ago when they were looking at rings on his computer.  He wanted a Light who was awake, a Light who wanted to make love to him. A Light who wanted him forever.

It would feel like he blinked and  Watari was serving him tea in a Styrofoam cup in the hospital waiting room. He’d blink again and it would be 2am. Where was the doctor? A nurse? Someone, anyone to tell him Light was okay.  His eyes were glued to the large automatic doors that led to surgery, to Light.  Could he will them open? Could he magic a nurse to bring him good news?

Watari had fallen asleep in the chair across from him, face propped up in his fist. L wondered how the old man balanced his head so perfectly as he snored. _Wake up._ L needed him there. He needed someone to listen to the onslaught of his idle thoughts and tell him they were rubbish. Tell him he was wrong. Tell him Light would pull through just fine.

The doors began to open and L’s heart bounded, forcing him to his feet. The feet he couldn’t feel . Feet he couldn't move .  _ Oh no,  _ L thought as he took in the face of the nurse who walked through. She seemed exhausted,  sad, like she didn’t want to be there. 

“Mr.  Lawliet ?” She asked, her voice unwilling to disguise its fatigue.

“Yes,” he choked. It felt like time stood still. The nurse walked in slow motion.  He needed to know about Light's condition and yet he didn't want to hear it.  _ Don't tell me. Don't ruin my perfect life.  _


	10. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L deals with the aftermath of Light's emergency surgery

“Hello?” L grumbled into his cell phone. Who the fuck was calling him at 2am? He’d  _ just  _ gotten to sleep for fucks sake! “Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Thank you for  letting me know .” It seemed  Mikami had met his fate in prison at the end of a handmade shank.  _ Too bad.  _ L set his phone on the nightstand and rubbed his face.  _ Might as well get up.  _ He was close to catching Kira anyway. He could feel it.  Besides, t he case had been a good distraction. 

L rubbed his forehead as he waited for the coffee to fill the glass pot. A head ache was creeping up and he reached into the cabinet above him for  som e Advil.  It seemed like he lived on NSAIDS and caffeine lately.  It wasn't ideal, but he didn't care. L found he didn't care about much lately . Even the case seemed dull  to him now. Perhaps it would be his last.  At least for now.  He needed to take some time away from work.  Life had been far too stressful. Even his hair was falling out. 

L rummaged through the cabinets and found some stale crackers. It would keep his stomach from rejecting the pills, at least.  _ This sucks _ , L thought as he  dragged himself across the tile floor, up the stairs, and to his office.  It was completely trashed. Leftover food and dirty dishes littered a cluttered computer desk.  Files and papers were scattered everywhere. The trash bin overflowed.  _ Light would have my head if he saw the state of this office.  _ “Well, you aren't here, are you?” He grumbled as he made his way to his chair.  It felt like a lifetime ago that he was in that ER waiting room, waiting for news about Light. “Stop it,  Lawliet . Don't think about him. Focus.”

It was no use, however. Angry that he couldn't control his emotions, L reached across the desk and in one mighty sweep of his hand, threw everything to the floor. Crumbling to his knees, L folded his arms, laid down his head, and wept.

Watari would find him asleep beneath his desk a few hours later. “Good morning, sir,”  Watari announced after clearing his throat. “Might I suggest cleaning up a bit?”

L looked up at  Watari from his place on the floor. “ H m , yes. Good suggestion.” The mess was overwhelming.  L didn’t even know where to start. Thankfully, it seemed the old man did. He gathered L’s dirty and broken dishes and left him with a fresh cup of coffee. 

Together, they managed to  get the office looking somewhat habitable. L wasn’t sure what he would do without the old man. “Have you heard any news?”

“ Yes.  Mikami was murdered in prison early this morning.”

“That’s not the news I meant,”  Watari said softly.

“Oh, yes. Well. No, I haven’t heard a thing.” L looked down at his hands as they sat in his lap. He felt pathetic.

“Should you call, perhaps?”

L slowly shook his head.  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, but thank you.”

Watari dropped the topic and went about his day. If L wanted to avoid the inevitable, then he was free to do that, Watari supposed. Even if it was incredibly stupid. It wasn’t like Light was dead. He was just in the guest house pouting. It had been roughly four days since their fight, and while it had gotten quite heated, it wasn't an end all be all. Gays were so damn dramatic, he thought.

The day wore on slowly, Watari dusting the chateau and watering the indoor plants. There wasn’t too much to do aside from making sure L ate and stayed on task. He’d been so distractible since Light stormed out of the house and into the guest house. They were both incredibly stubborn bastards if you asked him. The old man didn't want to meddle, but it was tempting. 

L had decided to unwind with a glass of wine at the end of the day. He was fairly certain he'd turned  over everything the police needed to catch Kira . Provided everyone did their job, he'd be getting a call in the next few days confirming Kira was in custody. He considered it a job well done.

L had gotten up to pour himself a second glass of wine when there was a knock at the front door.  He wasn't expecting company and he wasn't hopeful enough to believe it was Light.  Curious, he answered the door.

Before him stood a _ very _ apologetic looking Light holding a bouquet of red roses.  “I don't want to fight anymore. Forgive me?”

L was truly touched, “Of course I do! I'm guessing you've forgiven me? I can be quite foolish, you know.”

“I do.” Light stepped through the doorway and immediately kissed L, crushing the roses between them.

L brushed auburn hair back from sun kissed eyes and smiled. “ It’s your house, by the way. You Don't have to knock. ”

“I got nervous,” Light said, the cutest blush blooming across his freckles.

With Light finally back in his arms, L felt as though all was right in the world once again. He hugged Light tight and breathed in his scent, overjoyed at having made up. When they parted, Light straightened out the squished flowers and went to put them in a vase. L followed him closely, pouring Light a glass of wine as well.

They polished off the bottle as they snacked  in the kitchen and caught up with each other. Light had mixed feelings about  Teru dying, but the most prevalent feeling was relief. He could never hurt anyone again.  Light felt truly free for the first time in years. 

Appetites satisfied and feeling slightly buzzed, the two lovers headed upstairs hand in hand. Four days apart was too long, they'd both decided. No matter how angry they were at each other they vowed to never go to bed separately again. L’s fingers traced the large scar on Light’s chest and he felt overcome with emotion. Light pulled him into his arms and held L as he softly wept. He hadn't dealt with the stress of nearly losing Light _again_ very well at all. He was full of rage and anxiety and lashed out at Light, becoming controlling when it wasn't in his character to be controlling. That had confused and scared Light, who was weak and still recovering.  After a huge blow up, Light moved into the little suite on the property and locked L out, telling him to figure his shit out or leave.

So now L stood in the arms of the one he loved most in the world, surrendering to the things he couldn't change.  If Light dies, he cannot stop that from happening. All he could do is love Light while he has him.  “I love you,” L whispered as he lifted his tear stained face to meet Light's gaze. 

“I love you too,” Light said before kissing L sweetly. His tongue pressed lightly against the seam of L’s lips, begging entry. L obliged, groaning into the heated kiss as their bodies collided and erections hardened. 

L slid back onto fluffy pillows, his aching body welcoming Light on top of him. “I don’t know if I have the stamina,” Light chuckled under his breath. He was still considerably weak from surgery, though improving daily.

“Just go slow. If you run out of steam, I’ll ride you,” L said as he grabbed the lube from the nightstand and began prepping himself. Light wanted to help out with prep, so he took L’s hand and removed it from his backside. Sliding down onto his still somewhat tender chest, Light lapped at the vanilla frosting flavored lube and began prepping L with his tongue and fingers. L writhed and squirmed above him, his body nearly convulsing at the  gentle  touch.

Once L was  open and relaxed, Light sunk inside his lover slowly, tenderly. His thrusts were short and slow, but his energy level waned and he began to sweat from effort. His heart pumped faithfully, no sign of  pain or problems. L kissed Light before pushing up on his chest. “Lay back.”

Light obeyed and L straddled Light, reaching behind him to guide the cock where it belonged. The  feeling of being stretched, the pain which gave way so perfectly to pleasure,  all combined in a familiarity that had him shivering. Light gazed up at the thin,  gorgeous marble skinned man above him as he began to rock. L’s face twisted in pleasure and Light couldn’t keep his hands to himself. The scene unfolding above him was too beautiful, too glorious for words. Light had never known sex could be like this prior to L, and he didn’t want to know it with anyone else.

L gradually brought them both to climax as Light stroked L’s cock. An overwhelming desire to suck L’s cock  consumed Light, and as he came, he pulled L off his own cock and thrust his lover inside his mouth. L screamed with surprise as he came with a burst down Light’s throat, panting and dizzy.

“Holy shit,” L managed with a gulp.  “Shower?”

“Sure,” Light smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure hope I had you in the first half lmao


	11. A Fitting Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L receives a very special package in the mail and makes the most of a romantic evening with Light

The silver engagement rings arrived safely in the mail at the perfect time. Light was out for the day with  Watari shopping for groceries and  décor for the chateau. Light wanted everything to be perfect for their very first guests.  L was signing off on some paper work to officially close the Kira case for good, so he had stayed behind.  Luck seemed to be on his side this day.

Rummaging through the basement closet, L managed to find a long string of white lights. There was a big oak tree in the pasture he could tangle them in. A picnic below the lights under the tree sounded romantic to L. He grabbed a quilt and packed sandwiches, strawberries, and champagne into a cooler. He wasn’t great at cooking, so he hoped sandwiches would do.  L wished he could just order delivery, but he felt too short on time for that. Besides, he was pretty sure food would be the least of Light’s  concern tonight.

Hanging the lights was a huge pain in the ass. The ladder wasn’t quite tall enough to reach everywhere L wanted to hang lights and he began to feel sweaty and hot halfway through.  _ Bastard better say yes,  _ he thought, disgruntled at how hard he had to work. Once the lights were strung, he stepped back to look at his handiwork and noticed they were crooked. “Fuck it,” he mumbled under his breath. He was too tired to fix it and still needed to shower and change before Light got home. 

His timing was beyond perfect. L had showered, shaved, and gotten into his best button up shirt and dark wash jeans when Light returned home.  Light carried in several bags, called for L, and then noticed a note on the counter in the kitchen. “Meet me out back. I have a surprise.”  _ Hmm.  _ Light grinned. How exciting. “ Watari , do you mind putting away the cold and perishable items? Leave the rest for me to do tomorrow. I have to go find L.”

“Very well,” the old man said with a hint of a smile beneath his mustache. L had texted him earlier with a heads up about the surprise and asked that he not return with Light before 7pm.

Light hurried into the back yard and spotted the lit tree against the setting sun in the distance. It was beautiful from where he was standing, and he could just make out the tuft of dark hair sitting on a blanket beneath the tree. _Wonder what he’s up to._ It wasn’t a very far walk, but Light thought back to how he wouldn’t have been able to do this prior to his surgery. It was amazing how fast the body could heal.

“Hey baby,  whatcha doing?” Light asked, all smiles as he sat before L and accepted the flute of champagne he  offered. 

“I have something for you,” L said, leaning up on his knees and reaching for Light’s free hand.

“Oh yeah?” Light had already guessed what was going on but he played along because it was adorable.

L  carefully slid a shining silver band onto Light's ring finger and said, “I could have twelve thousand words and none of them would be able to adequately express how much I love you. But if given the chance, I'd like to take the rest of my life to try.”

“ Did you rehearse that?” Light tried to joke. L nodded fervently and Light burst into tears. “ Okay, so it was really a pretty good speech. I can't lie.”

L laughed and pulled Light into a hug, spilling his champagne a bit. “I can't wait to be your husband,” L said before kissing those sweet lips.

“Me either,” Light said. It felt good to have the weight of the metal band around his finger. It felt right.  “So, what did you pack for dinner? I’m famished.”

L pulled out his gourmet sandwiches and strawberries and Light was secretly happy L didn't try to cook anything. He would've fucked it up royally and Light knew he would try to eat it anyway to be polite. Sandwiches were something L did well,  however.

“How was shopping?”

“Quite successful!” Light described all the wonderful antique finds he purchased on his adventure with  Watari earlier that day. The old man found a few things as well and Light had to admit he had good taste. The two newly engaged love birds chatted about their day as they ate, happy for the simple pleasure that was each other’s company.

***

Wedding planning wasn't a walk in the park for the happy couple. They were both stressed about Light's family flying in and staying at the chateau. On top of that, finding vendors to come out to their mountain home seemed impossible.  Everything felt like a disaster until Light stumbled upon a local wedding planner with great reviews. “Should we just hire  _ her?”  _ Light asked, showing his phone to L.

Taking a moment to read through some of the information on the website , L tilted his head and shrugged slightly. “ She seems well qualified. And she is probably used to Bridezilla’s too.”

Light narrowed his eyes, “Are you calling me a  _ bridezilla?” _

“ Would that be inaccurate?”

Light simply stuck his tongue out at L as he dialed the number on the website. He couldn’t deny he’d been a bit of a bitch about the whole wedding thing. It was just stressful and the thought of having his family stay with them just sent his anxiety over the edge. While on the phone, Light thought perhaps a nice glass of cabernet would take the edge off for him. “Hello, is this miss Misa Amane?”

While Light spoke to the bubbly young girl on the phone, L decided to tease Light. Coming up behind him, L began kissing Light's neck. Light swatted L away, annoyed, but L returned with even more resolve. He was making it damn near impossible for Light to focus. “Uh, h-hi, my name is Light  Yagami .”

Deciding to escalate things since he couldn’t get out of it, Light turned from the counter and leaned against it. Lifting his glass of wine to his lips, he smiled devilishly and tilted his hips invitingly toward L. L grinned, eyes wide with mischief as he got on his knees and undid Light’s pants. He was quick to pull out Light’s semi soft penis and shove it in his mouth.

“Well, you are  _ certainly  _ well qualified!” Light announced  into the phone  with a little more  dramatics than intended. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. What L was doing was so fucking  _ hot  _ but he had to focus.

Light knew he needed to wrap up the conversation quickly. “Ah, can I… can I call you back? Something’s  _ come up.” _

L giggled against Light's shaft and Light practically hung up on Misa halfway through her saying goodbye. He slammed the phone on the counter a little too hard and buried his fingers in dark hair. “Oh, _God_ L!” Light screamed as he burst into L’s mouth, L drinking it down like a thirsty whore. Eventually, L let the now softening lump of flesh fall from his mouth as he panted. 

L stood  and turned  to go clean himself up but Light grabbed his arm. “Oh, I'm not through with you.”


	12. Angry Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter but I hope you enjoy!

Misa  Amane was short, bubbly, blond, and very fucking annoying. She knew how to plan a wedding, however, and had every wedding vendor at her over manicured fingertips.  Light hated her immediately, which amused L to no end. He kept saying things like, “ You two would make a perfect couple if Light weren't gay.” And Light kept staring daggers at him because it was clear this Misa girl was hot  and thirsty as hell for Light.

“ I am going to strangle you!” Light shouted angrily at L after Misa had left their chateau.

“ Can we at least get naked first?” L was still thoroughly amused and while he knew angry Light was a dangerous Light, it was worth the risk for a good laugh.

Light was about to spout something nasty about L going and fucking himself when he figured angry sex might be exactly what he needed. L slammed into the wall behind him with a perfect thud, and Light held both hands above L’s head as he kissed him harshly. L did not struggle. He figured he’d enjoy his punishment. Besides, Light had really begun to come out of his shell and take charge in the bedroom and L was _loving_ it. 

With his one free hand, Light undid his pants and let them fall to the floor, a few strokes waking his cock. He turned L around and pressed his face into the wall. “This is going to hurt,” Light growled into his ear. L shivered.  _ Oh, yes,  _ he  thought.

Saliva made terrible lube, and because of that, Light was cautious.  He thoroughly enjoyed the way L twitched and groaned in both pain and pleasure. Light smiled devilishly, “ I'm not even all the way inside you yet,” he whispered into L’s ear before lapping at the  lobe  with his tongue.

L groaned in response and Light thrust deeper, causing L to shudder and yelp.  He broke out into a hot sweat, panting against wall, unable to free himself from the torture. “W-what are you waiting for?” L taunted.

Light laughed huskily, danger in his voice as he drove himself deeper still. L cried out, and Light pressed him harder still against the wall. “Shut up and take it!” He demanded.

Take it L did. He sobbed and screamed as Light forced himself inside until he was buried fully, hips flush to ass cheeks.  Light thrust harshly, banging L hard into the wall until a picture fell and crashed onto the ground. Neither seemed to notice nor care. L wanted to touched his own neglected cock, but his hands were  held tight above him by Light’s steel grip. He moaned and backed his hips into Light, begging. Light finally took his free hand around L and began stroking him off.  “Don’t you dare come until I say so, you whore.”

“Okay,” L panted, relenting, “Oh, God, Light.” Holding back his orgasm hurt tremendously, and he sobbed even more, crying out each time Light grazed his prostate. Light squeezed the base of L’s cock to prolong the inevitable, enjoying the torment he put his lover through.

Finally, Light released L’s cock and L immediately came on the wall. Light slammed forward inside L, shoving his body into the sticky mess. L was dizzy and if it weren’t for Light holding him up with his body and by his wrists, he would’ve crumpled to the floor. Light squeezed L’s wrists so hard it would’ve hurt if L could feel anything, but he’d lost feeling in his arms already. Light clenched his eyes closed and bit down hard on L’s neck as he came, L screaming from the pain as the taste of blood washed inside Light’s mouth. He hadn’t meant to bite that hard, but he couldn’t help it.

Letting go of L and slowly pulling out, Light wiped his mouth as he watched L fall to the floor. He smacked his head on the window sill on the way down and Light lurched forward to grab him. “L?” He jostled L a bit in his arms. “L, are you okay?”

L’s eyes rolled back and forth a minute before he finally came to. “Yeah, I just. I need to rest.”

“Was I too rough with you?” Light asked as he held L in his arms while still on the floor.

“No. Just, give me ice for my butt and it’ll be fine.” L was practically slurring his words. Light hoisted him up and placed him on the couch, sitting with him while he recovered. Light kissed his hair and stroked his back. Sorry as he was for his aggression, he couldn’t say he regretted it. He wanted more. He loved dominating L in this way. Poisoning him. It was deliciously sinful and if L were up for a round two later, maybe they’d grab the lube and go harder next time.


	13. Moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light have a terrible fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If youa re still reading this story tell me!

It was _incredibly_ embarrassing to meet Light's parents with the shape L’s ass was in. Orajel may have helped numb it somewhat, but it was all L could do to stand or walk straight. He had iced it prior to their arrival, which helped a bit but didn't solve the problem. _Thank God they don't hug,_ L thought as he somehow managed to bow appropriately. Sayu, however, was overly friendly and all too ready to grab L by the waist and wrap him in a hug. 

L’s eyes pleaded with Light to make her stop but Light enjoyed the annoyance a little too much. It reminded him of Misa, and how needy she was. L was full of instant regret. _I'll never tease him like that again,_ L thought. 

“Oh come Sayu. Let him go,” Light laughed, pulling her from his fiance and hugging the young girl himself. Evil smile and all cast over her shoulder at L. _Okay, you win,_ L thought. 

L snuck off to ice his bum as Light showed his family to their rooms. They would be staying in freshly renovated, stunning living quarters on the second floor overlooking the mountains. Sayu was supposed to bring a love interest but he’d gotten cold feet at the mention of a wedding. So, instead she set her sights on L. It wouldn't be the first time she gave head to her brothers gay boyfriend. They shared a few shafts in their day, even if Light didn't know it. It's the reason his boyfriends always left him. He just couldn't make them stay. 

As L rounded the corner, leaving the bathroom door wide open, Sayu all but tackled him. “Will you help me with this?” She asked, seeming innocent and sweet. 

“Oh Okay,” L said as he accepted the large toiletries bag. _What the fuck is in here?_

“Maybe we can hang it?” Sayu suggested. She closed the bathroom door so L could reach the towel hooks on the back of it. As he reached up, hands occupied, Sayu wasted no time yanking down his pants and exposing his flaccid cock. 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” L dropped the hanging bag and toiletries fell out everywhere. L shielded them both from falling bottles and brushes by throwing his hands up. Sayu stuffed him in her mouth and began to suck, her skirt riding up and exposing the fact that she wore nothing underneath it. 

The commotion drew the attention of Light, who was just down the hall getting his parents settled. He hurried to the bathroom to help, but when he opened the door and saw his sister on her knees sucking off his husband to be, Light thought he'd vomit. Slamming the door shut, Light wheeled around and ran in the opposite direction, toward his bedroom. 

Now fully horrified, L found the ability to stuff himself back into his pants and race after Light. Sayu was left on the bathroom floor relishing in the danger and naughtiness of her transgression. She didn’t give a single fuck if it ruined her brothers relationship. She just _had_ to get hers. 

“Light!” L shouted as he landed strong fists against the locked door. “Let me in!” 

“Get out of my house!” Light screamed angrily from behind the door. “Get the _fuck_ out of my house!” 

L backed away from the door, shocked. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Souichiro and Sachiko looking very concerned. “What’s going on?” 

“Everything is fine. There’s been a misunderstanding.” L explained calmly. 

The bedroom door flung open and Light stood in the threshold, all fire and rage. “No, everything is _not_ fine. You know what I caught your lovely daughter doing with my fiancé? Sucking his dick in the bathroom. That’s right. Your precious little girl is a home wrecking whore and I want her gone! Get her out of my house!” 

L stumbled backwards in fear as Sachiko covered her hanging mouth in shock. Sayu was standing behind them in the hallway, all tears and denial. “How dare you say that about me! I would _never!”_ She shouted as she ran toward the staircase dramatically. 

Light's eyes fell on L with disgust and loathing. “I can’t believe I ever let you _inside_ me.” 

“Light,” L whispered his plea but Light would not hear it. The door closed once again and L was all too aware of its finality. He would not be entering their bedroom again any time soon. He turned to see Souichiro was the only one left standing in the hall. “I'm very sorry, sir,” L bowed. 

“We’ve tried to get her help. We know our daughter has problems. I am just so sorry it has reflected poorly upon you, L.” Souichiro explained. He turned away to follow his wife down the stairs. They would need to pack Sayu up and send her back to rehab, it seemed. 

L followed suit down the lonely flight of stairs. He packed his belongings and was gone before Light could change his mind. Before Light could object. Before Light could say, “Stay,”. 

Sayu went to rehab and L went to the nearest hotel where he drank himself into a stupor. Unshaven and sad, he laid upon the bed, scattered sheets about him like a god from days of old _. Don’t go_ , he thought. _Don’t leave me. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t want it. I'm so confused. Help me. Help._

“Dearest Light,” the letter read. Trembling hands held the paper delicately, afraid those folds would crumble into nothing as tears pelted paper. “I love you beyond what words can convey. I didn’t want you to see me go. I couldn’t bear it. My heart longs for you as does my soul. I remain incomplete without you, Light. Please hear me out. Come to my room and listen to my words. Listen to my apology. Allow me to beg at your feet the way I feared to do the day I left you. Let me back into your realm. Let me see your beauty. I will never make this mistake again. Always yours, L.” 

Light could appreciate the romance in the words, the poetry. Would a letter be enough, though? Could Light forgive such a transgression so easily? How haughtily L was to be with his sister on the bathroom floor. What disgust raged through Light. Perhaps begging at his feet was to be warranted. L did, after all, commit adultery. 

He'd go there. He'd bang on the door and demand to be seen. Would L be willing still, after all they’d been through? After rape and murder plots and who is Kira after all? Certainly not someone who would stand before L and demand recompense. “What are you doing?” Light asked, astonished that L would even throw himself to the floor. 

L vomited, the leftover alcohol finally leaving his body. L apologized. L was nothing, no, not anymore. “How can I apologize for what I have done?” Do I tell him it was accidental? Do I say it was her mouth on me that brought about my arousal and that I didn’t want it after all? 

“I know you’re sorry, L. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” Light moved over to the hotel bed and sat, hands on his face. “What would you have me do?” 

“Whatever it takes, Light. Whatever you need from me.” 

“That isn’t good enough, L.” 

“Why does it feel like every time we say goodbye things fall apart? Why, after we close the door on the past does the future become this? I hate it.” Light was right, of course, and L crawled to him. 

Head on Light’s lap, he continued in his plight. “I'll only ever love you, Light. I'll never have another. But I feel like I'm losing you more and more everyday.” 

“That’s the alcohol talking.” 

“Maybe, but is it a lie?” 

Eyes locked and Light’s fingers graced L’s pointy chin. “No, it isn’t a lie, L.” He thumbed L’s cheek as moonlight creeped in passed the curtains and danced in patterns upon his skin. He was beautiful. Luminescent. “Stay with me tonight.” 

“Stay forever.” 

“Okay.” 

They would stay awake all night making love beneath the moonlight. L cherished Light’s bodily scars, things he could not see in the daytime. Fingers traced the sacred places, and when Light cried out for mercy they sought to know each other more. Deeper. Beneath what surface lies they told. Beneath chateaus and cherry trees and garden lights. They sipped from wine that cellars never knew, cavernous paintings carved into walls. Yes, yes! I love you. Yes, I need you, yes. You’re mine. 

Forever. 

“Do you think I'll always have you?” L asked, grey eyes peering across the pillow in the moonlight 

“Yes, L. I do.” Light's lie reached across the universe between them and echoed on. 


	14. Old Man L

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L dreams he is old and Light is gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating a little early because I felt like I left everyone kind of hanging with a chapter that went sort of sideways. While this chapter starts out kind of sad, it gets better, I promise!

L would be a sad old man full of arthritis and regrets. His burden was the bitterness which filled him. Filled him where his children left holes because they wouldn’t visit anymore. The wind whipped around his neck and tore at his scarf, ripping it away from wrinkled flesh. He grappled the air for it. “Don’t you know I'm an old man!?” He demanded of the weather. “Don’t you know anything? Don’t you know I  would have loved him forever?”

_ L's walk would take him down the corridors of a French chateau.  _ _ Lillie’s _ _ lined  _ _ the archways and silk draped across the floor. He walked as though wearing  _ _ glass shoes. I am no Cinderella, he considered her fair skin much more beautiful than his own. _ _ Yet he walked the aisle toward the one he loved. The one with auburn hair and eyes like fire. The one standing,  _ _ waiting at _ _ the alter. _

The alter of granite and ash. It had been many years ago that Light came to live here permanently, and many years it took to look desecrated.  The apple tree bore no new fruit for generations. The concrete slab slanted and cracked like the table Aslan was slain upon. No more could he look upon it than his own reflection.

_ Vows were  _ _ such  _ _ sacred words. A correspondence between lovers in an alternate universe we strike with pebbles like asteroids.  _ _ No more loving tongue had set L so free as when Light had said, “I do,” and L had said it  _ _ in return. _

“I made it,” L said of the concrete bench he sat on. All replaced joints and cold weather had him staring out into the shadows of his heart. “You said you wouldn't live forever,” L mused as he removed the gloves from his hands. “ That ticker of yours. It just couldn’t keep up.”

L poured his thermos out and sat a hot cup of tea on Light's stone. “ I just needed the company,” L told his lover among fallen leaves and autumn promises. “To see you one last time.”

_As the cold leaves stirred the ground, so would they twist upon the tile floors of the chateau._ _“Sweep them out of here!” Light would laugh_ _as he helped L at the open door._ _They'd stand in the threshold of their love and kiss under the promise of a family. Light’s heart would_ _beat inside their child._

 _They'd make love every night and celebrate their victories together._ _Light would move inside of L as though he were made to be there. As though every breath he drew, every beat of his heart was a hallelujah._ _And L would be there until the very end, never giving up hope that they_ _would make_ _it_ _through_ _._

When L woke, the hotel room was still dark with its drawn curtains. Enough light peeked through to cast a blue glow upon the room. L crawled on Light’s chest and laid his head where Light’s heart should be. Every bounding beat was a comfort, a reminder that it was just a dream.  He wasn’t expecting Light’s arms to wrap around him. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“ Because I love you and I don’t want you to go,” L whimpered.

“I'm not going anywhere,” Light said. They both knew, deep down, what L meant. Light would be the first to go. His heart would not be able to bring him to the finish line. But that wasn’t today and it wouldn’t be tomorrow. “Mom called me last night after you fell asleep.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.  Sayu confessed to forcing herself on you. L, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that happened and I'm sorry  I blamed you.” Light pulled L hard against his chest and kissed his hair.

It seemed both the  Yagami children had issues of a sexual nature to work through. “ It’s alright.” L had never been assaulted before. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel.

“Can we just go to the courthouse today?  Skip all the pageantry?” Light asked.

L snickered, “You, the bridezilla, want to skip the wedding?”

“ Yes.”

“No. I think you'll regret it. Besides, I didn't put up with your crap for endless weeks for nothing.  Also, I want cake,  damnit .”

Light laughed and rolled he and L over so his naked body was on top of L’s.  He slid his  hips forward and  ate up the groan spilling from L’s lips with his mouth.  “I love you,” Light whispered into the ear he would soon after lick before moving down the neck with kisses. A few small nips bloomed with golden bruises just above L’s collarbone and his nails dug into the flesh of Light’s back, begging for more. More was never enough, though, and his arching back and trembling legs and curled toes screamed it so. Light’s fingers found L’s abused and swollen entrance. L hissed as fingers pressed lightly against it. He wanted it, but it hurt. But it felt good. Oh, he wanted it.

“Let me get the lube,” Light said with a tender kiss to L’s chest before sliding off the bed to find the lost tube.

L laid there sprawled out upon wrinkled sheets, his dream now but a distant memory. A distant future. He put it away for now.  There would come a time for mourning, but that wasn't now. Now was a time for love.

Light returned with wet fingers and determination. He eased inside L so gently and lovingly that at first he felt almost nothing. Then, as he felt the familiar stretch, L breathed out and relaxed into it. He stroked himself slowly as Light worked him open. “That's it, L. Relax for me,” Light said as he milked L’s prostate. 

L shivered, a shuddering, “ Oooh ,” escaping him as he came a bit.  As Light stroked his prostate, he came a bit more, then again and again as his body responded to the gentle yet demanding touch.  He was a mess, sticky white fluid covering his fist as he tried to continue touching his over stimulated cock. 

Light leaned over and licked the head clean. L thought he'd lose his mind because Light’s fingers were still at work within him.  He wasn't sorry when Light removed his hand from between his aching thighs. 

“Are you ready?” Light asked as if he didn't already know the answer. L could barely nod yes much less mumble a single syllable.  Light laughed a bit beneath his breath and pushed his own needy, aching cock inside. He had to stop and breathe as he struggled to support his trembling body above L. “I almost came.” 

L laughed, the vibration just enough to send Light over the edge. “ Oof ,” he said, collapsing  on L. “Sorry,” he said,  the pillow muffling his apology. 

L patted his back patronizingly. “There, there,” he smiled, almost glad Light didn't have it in him to further destroy his ass. Maybe in a couple days when he was a little more healed they could destroy it all over again. For now, however, they fell back asleep. L held onto Light, unwilling to let go even when sleeping. He supposed it might help to keep away the nightmares. This time, it worked. Even if it never worked like this again, it worked this once.


	15. Wedding Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light finally tie the knot!

Just as L predicted, Light was in no way satisfied to give up the pageantry of the wedding. There were roses and archways and candles and one hell of a cake. They had family and friends and gifts on a table. Linens and seat covers and bows and silk and a panoramic view of the mountains tied it all together. 

The happy couple toasted their wine glasses to a promise of forever.  They  kissed at the alter. L cried but tried to hide it. They danced on a wood floor beneath a sparkling chandelier.  It was beautiful. Beyond words. And L was glad they didn’t have to miss any of it. It all seemed to make a Light incredibly happy, and that's what mattered.

Everyone seemed to thoroughly enjoy dancing and drinking the night away. L especially loved the cake, and wound up eating more than his share of it. Light didn't mind, thinking he loved it when L tasted of sugar and butter cream. The thought made him want to taste more of L, and he found he couldn’t wait to get his new husband alone.

L would be one too many glasses of wine deep to give Light more than sloppy, sweet kisses. “Can you believe we’re _married?”_ L asked as Light pulled L’s shirt overhead to help him undress. 

“Yes, I  _ can  _ believe it,” Light shook his head as he chuckled under his breath.

“ Don't laugh at me!” L said as he tried to wiggle out of  his pants without success.

“ You’re just too cute L. I can't help it.”

L enjoyed hearing that. Even more, he liked the look of naked  Light standing before him as he sat on the edge of the bed. “ You should do that thing.”

“What thing ?” Light asked as he climbed over L, who laid back and automatically spread his legs in invitation.

“That thing with your penis,” L covered his face with his hands in frustration.  “I don’t remember what it’s called!”

Light laughed again, then bent down to tease L's nipple with his tongue. He rubbed his stiffening cock against L’s groin . “Is it this?”

“Yes! Yes, it's that!”

Light reached a hand between them and fingered L’ s entrance. “What about this?”

“That too!” He shouted as  he squirmed.

Light pushed himself off the bed and pressed his face into L’s ass, licking and sucking his sensitive hole. He enjoyed the series  of cries and  encouragement spilling from his husband's lips. Light felt hard and ready and it was all he could do not to reach down and start stroking himself.

“You better be ready for me,” Light said as he stood and traded his tongue for lube and fingers. 

L arched his back and fisted the sheets beneath him. “I'm ready!” He cried.

Tired of holding back, Light plunged deep inside his lover and began thrusting ferociously.  L screamed as he came and begged  Light not to stop, tears streaming down his face.  Light's nails dug into L’s thighs and he was almost certain he drew blood. Neither of them cared. 

Light pounded fast and hard, sweat streaming down his body. He ached for release, trembling as he faltered until he finally burst inside of L. His hips stuttered and slowly came to a stop as he panted for breath above his lover, unable to stop the room from moving of its own will. “Don’t move!” He warned L, who had started to adjust his position. Light winced and jolted forward. “Oh, _God,”_ he said, breathless, “I just came again.”

“Sex! It's called sex. I remembered!” L announced happily just before passing out in their mess.

“Yes, L. It's called sex,” Light said as his flaccid cock fell away from L, the mess of bodily fluid coming with it. He took part of the sheet and wiped them both off before righting L in the bed and climbing in next to him. They could clean up properly tomorrow. He didn’t care at the moment . He just wanted sleep.

The next day the newly weds wouldn't get out of bed until  noon . Not because of love making , but because of hangovers.  L couldn't stop throwing up and Light had a migraine from hell.  Eventually they took enough pills and drank enough fluids to somewhat function.  “Do we  _ have  _ to go to Ireland?” L asked as he sipped orange juice slowly  and rubbed his temples.

“The trip is nonrefundable. Besides, we’ll regret not having a honeymoon.” 

After a rather long nap and a refreshing shower, they both felt much better. Light felt  smart for having booked them evening flights as well.  Watari and Light's parents promised to hold the fort down while the boys were gone.

Fingers laced across airplane seats and L admired their silver wedding bands.  He could scarce believe that not so long ago, Light was plowing through a cereal display at the local market and he was trying to decide how to eat his feelings over his last case. The adventure that ensued was one he couldn't have dreamed of no matter how brilliant he supposedly wa s.  The home he helped bring back to life, the man he watched heal from horrid atrocities. The  promise L made to protect Light from that in the future. L thought about what was next for them. He turned  silver studded eyes to Light and grinned in his crooked little way.  “I want a baby,” he said.

Light squeezed his hand and smiled back at him. “ Let’s  fill out an adoption application when we get home.”

L leaned in and sealed that promise with a kiss.  Of course they’d talked about it before. This wasn’t a new topic they’d broached. It was just that L wasn't ready until this moment, and Light had told him  to let him know when he was. So, this was L letting him k now.

Everywhere they went in Ireland reminded L of his desire for a child. The gift shops with tiny t-shirts that had green four leaf clovers on them. The families getting ice cream out together. The children making sand castles o n the beach. He dreamed of vacationing with a little one of their own, of buying him or her  toys and clothes and teaching them things. Would they enjoy solving puzzles like him? Would they be more serious or fun loving?  Could they find a child who matched them perfectly, or should they use a surrogate to conceive a child that was genetically their own?

No, adoption was the best route for them, L decided. He was an orphan himself and felt strongly that if they could remove one kid from the horrors of foster care they would be doing the world a great service.  He couldn't talk about the things he'd gone through as a child. Before  Watari , there was very little he wanted to remember anyway.

“ Did you hear me, L?” Light had been saying from across the breakfast table. “The pub opens at 4. Let's go.”

“ Oh, right. Yes.” L absentmindedly began buttering his toast.

Light stared at his husband. He was no fool and knew L was bothered about something. “What is it?”

“ Hm ?” L looked up and knew Light saw right through him. Might as well be honest. “ I've just been thinking a lot about the adoption. What have I told you of my early childhood?”

“ Enough to know it was pretty horrendous,” Light said as he reached across the table to hold L’s hand. In reality L hadn't told him much. He mentioned the death of both his parents and said something about being passed around in the foster system. Otherwise, the only thing that gave Light any indication they something was wrong was the pain behind L’s eyes.  Those silver orbs spoke volumes whenever the man was silent. It's how Light had come to know L so well. 

“Yes, it was,” he mused quietly, playing with his food. Suddenly his appetite was gone. “I just want to… try… ”

“If you want to adopt an older child, L, I'm with you. I think it’s a good idea.”

“What about a child with problems?” L asked, glancing up to read Light’s expression. It was soft, loving. 

“Especially a child with problems.” Light knew L had been a troubled child himself. Wanting to help a child out of similar circumstances seemed only logical. “Now, about that pub.”


	16. Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L get in over their heads trying to start a family and Light's heart cannot keep up the pace.

Adopting children was a difficult and expensive process and the two men felt  quite  far out of their depth.  They had to fill out quite a few forms and go to parenting classes.  They both learned quite quickly that they sucked at changing  diapers.  _ Definitely getting an older kid,  _ L thought.

They attended a  group meeting once weekly where they met other adoptive parents, foster parents, and couples like them waiting to adopt. They learned that it could be a very difficult and emotional process, that most of the children came with a lot of baggage and were very difficult to handle.  L didn’t mind hearing the stories, but Light was having doubts.

“You're unusually quiet,” L mentioned casually as he drove them home.

“I'm just feeling nervous is all,” Light smoothly understated.

L crooked a  brow, “After the story Mrs. Williams told I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t want to adopt anymore.”

“Their son set their house on  _ fire.  _ With their dog inside.  _ On purpose.”  _ Light’s eyes glazed over as he imagined the horror.

“You know not every kid is a pyro right?” L asked with a hint of sarcasm. “I never set anything on fire.”

“I wouldn’t know. You never talk about  it.”

The words wounded L a bit despite knowing Light didn’t mean it. He sighed and locked his eyes on the road, gripping the steering wheel as his hands became clammy. He could do this. He could talk about it. “I…”  he breathed deep. “ I remember eating out of a dumpster,” he finally said. “ I remember being locked in a dog crate, I think that’s what it was. My um, foster dad, he put his cigarettes out on me. Usually my shoulders or back, where clothing could cover. ”

“Jesus, L.” Light tugged L’s arm until he offered a hand.

“That’s not the worst of it. I don’t really remember it all, but I do know I was thrown down the stairs and my arm broke. I had to stay in my bed in agony for days before they took me to get it fixed. I was removed from their care after that. Things didn’t get better though. My new family would light the stove and set me on it so they could watch me ‘dance’.  I'm pretty sure their neighbors and possibly some friends would pay to come watch me being tortured. They wouldn’t feed me for days. Wouldn’t bathe me. Chained me up in their dark basement. When I pissed and shit myself I got in trouble and then hosed and left there. ”

“What the actual  _ fuck,  _ L.” Light was astonished. He couldn’t wrap his head around how anyone could treat an innocent child so poorly.

“Yeah “ L smiled a bit ironically, continuing, “Funny thing is they were investigated and charged with  first degree  murder and neglect and a bunch of other charges because  _ another  _ kid died while in their care. There was a whole newspaper article about it. It was a big deal in that little town back then. I helped the police  by giving them statements and showing them where I was kept, which led them to the body of the other little boy. Helping them put those people behind bars really stuck with me. It’s part of why I became a detective.”

Light wanted to be happy that the story had a silver lining. Instead, however, he was completely heart broken for L. “What happened after that?”

“Well, I wound up in another home and even though things were a lot better, they weren’t good. I had not been sexually abused up to that  point.  Suddenly I found myself naked, being touched in all the wrong places. I passed out every time they- you know- and  always woke up covered in blood and confused. I didn’t know what was going on at the time, but I knew it was wrong.”

“L, I'm so sorry. How the  hel l did you survive all that?” Light asked, tears in his eyes.

“Honestly?  Watari saved me. He took me in and showed me genuine love and kindness. He noticed I liked puzzles and always had something for me to solve. We invented things together too. It was great. He took me to see special doctors all the time. He didn’t tell me they were therapists because he didn’t want me to feel weird about it, you see. But really if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be here today.  Watari saved my life. ” L beamed as he talked about the man he viewed as his father. The man who had done so much for him.

“I'm glad you have him,” Light  sniffled .

“Me too. I hope I can be some kid’s  Watari one day. ” 

Hearing L  say that caused Light to lose composure completely. He bawled, complete with snot and incoherent rambling. L laughed at him, not really knowing what else to do. They pulled into the Chateau and L put the car in park. Reaching across the seats, he hugged Light. “I love you,” L said as he held his sobbing mess of a husband.

“I l-love y-you too.” Light managed as he hiccupped and  sniffed.  Sitting up, Light broke the embrace to wipe his eyes. “I want us to be  Watari to a kid too. Maybe a couple of kids. Maybe more.”

“ Really?”

“Yes. I mean it. We can’t save every child but we can help a few.”

L decided in that moment that he had never loved nor desired Light more than right then. He wanted to make love to him madly, to be so close their  souls  seemed to intertwine as he sealed this moment in his memory forever. Light was everything to L. He was more than just his lover and together they could change the world a child at a  time. 

The Chateau would go from being a bed and breakfast to a home for multiple children at one time. The huge house had an abundance of bedrooms that lent itself to this purpose beautifully.  They hired a live in nanny to help them, and a house cleaner made a weekly round in the large, loving home. 

Light and L wound up fostering many children over the years. They couldn’t adopt them all, but were happy to see those kids move on to families who loved them. Some of the kids were simply too old to be adopted and lived with L and Light until they phased out of the foster care system. The men paid college tuition for several of the older kids, attempting to help them secure a bright future.

Light stood in the kitchen holding a fussy, colicky baby. They had both been up and down all night and she was finally asleep in his arms. L rounded the corner with a  load of unwashed laundry and stopped to look at Light. He paled. “Babe. You don’t look good.”

“I don’t feel very good,” Light admitted. He was getting older, the stress of running such a huge household weighing on him daily.

“I’ll take the baby. You go lay down,” L said as he dropped the basket to the floor and took the baby from Light.

Light accepted the sweet peck to his cheek and began to walk off. Mid stride he stopped and clutched his chest. Leaning against the  wall, he felt his breath catch as pain surged through him. “L!” He attempted to scream it but it came out as a rasp.

_ Fuck.  _ “Is it your heart?” L raced over to his husband who nodded furiously.  _ Fuck!  _ L  grabbed his phone. “It’s going to be alright baby. Hang in there.”

Light thought he heard L speak but he couldn’t make out the words. The room became a blur as he slid to the floor.  He wouldn’t hear L's panicked screaming or the baby crying. He wouldn’t hear  Watari ask what was wrong as he rushed into the  room or the nanny race into the kitchen and take the baby.

Hands now free and mind screaming, L collapsed to the floor and pulled  Light’s limp body  into his lap. Tears poured as he held Light to his chest and sobbed.  “No! No! No! I need you. I need you Light. Please.”

L felt  firm but gentle hands pulling him away from his husband. His foster children gathered around to offer L comfort as Light’s shirt was torn and his body convulsed beneath a defibrillator.  A toddler with large blue eyes clung to L’s shirt and  L comforted him the best he could. Their older children stood beside and behind him, hands on his shoulders as they watched men in red shirts fight to save their favorite foster dad.


	17. All Good Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our story winds down. Light and L are a little older, Light's heart is failing, and troubled waters lie ahead.

“I feel a pulse!” a rather large man announced as another slid an oxygen mask over Light’s face.

They allowed L to ride in the back of the ambulance with Light to the hospital.  Watari and the nanny both promised to hold down the fort while they were gone. It was a big ask considering they had 17 children currently residing with them, but the older kids stepped up without hesitation to help wherever they could.

Four grueling, terrible days later Light woke up. He was sore and mostly immobile, noticing fresh pain in his chest. Heart surgery again? He reached up to touch his chest. Staples. Yes, he’d had something done. He wanted to sit up but couldn’t. Noticing he was finally awake, L leaned in, tear filled eyes as he smiled and squeezed Light’s hand. “Thank God.”

“ What happened?” Light asked weakly.

“Apparently too much coffee happened, my dear. You’re cut off.” L tried to smile but couldn’t. He was simply too tired. The bags under his eyes had bags of their own at this point. He wasn’t quite sure the last time he’d shaved. Or bathed. “Actually, the doctor did say to limit caffeine but it was just one part of the problem. You’re on a transplant list, my dear.”

Light nodded. They’d known this day would come. It just came sooner than expected. “ Will I be able to come home?”

“Yes, but you’ll be on bed rest, I'm sure.”

“How are the kids?”

“Worried. Acting out because they’re worried. Charlie thinks he has to go back to the orphanage  because of this.”

Light frowned. Poor Charlie.  That kid was a mess.  “None of them are going anywhere. I'll be good as new in no time.”

Good as new turned out to be an intense amount of heart medication and entertaining his children from the couch between naps. The transplant list was long and Light had little hope of getting a heart in time. That evening he crept slowly into their bedroom and leaned against the door frame.

“We need to talk about it,” Light gasped, winded.

L looked up at Light from where he sat cross legged on the bed. “No, we don’t.”

“We do.”

L considered trying to avoid it but he knew his husband was right. “Okay,” he conceded.

Light made his way slowly over to the bed and sat. “The house is yours, obviously. It’ll take a while for the life insurance to pay out so just live on our savings in the meantime, okay?”

L burst into tears, sobbing into his hands as Light spoke. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want the house. He wanted his husband.  He wanted old age and bickering and happily ever after. He needed Light to live so desperately that even his bones ached.  “I can’t do this without you,” he cried.

Light leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss to L’s hair. “You can. You’re the strongest person I know, L.”

L lifted his heavy, red face and touched his husband’s salt and pepper hair. He had a few wrinkles around his eyes now. They were beautiful, but L would never mention them. Light didn’t particularly like the idea of growing old, but L cherished it. Light had a condition that would rob them of his  older years, so every sign of aging was a sign of defiance to L.  A sign of victory, no matter how small. They had defied the odds for this long,  why couldn’t they do it for a bit longer?  L pointed at Light’s chest. “I told you to give me fifty years with him, you wonky fucker,” L laughed as he cried and Light laughed too. 

Grabbing L’s hand, he pulled L gently to his chest. “Listen to it beat, L. I'm still here. It’s still working.  Just listen.”

L did listen. He listened to the strain of his  lovers heart as it slowly  beat a soft rhythm that  whispered , “I'm tired…let me go…” and L knew in that moment that  Light was going to die. There was nothing he could do to save him, and as L drew back and studied Light’s face, he suddenly realized how tired Light looked.  He was done, L realized. Light had given him many great years, the best years of his life. And he knew Light would keep giving until his final breath. But L wanted to be fair to Light. It was no life to live this way. It was no life to be exhausted, drugged, and in pain. Light deserved so much more. He deserved everything. “I love you,” L whispered as he pressed their foreheads together. He breathed in his husband’s scent and shuddered.

“I love you too.” Light wished his  love was enough to sustain them. Perhaps after he was gone it would stay with L and help him heal.  It was  all he could hope for.

Despite the fact that L had resigned to Light’s inevitable fate, Light wasn’t willing to go down without a fight. He faithfully kept his doctors appointments and took his medicine. Some days he seemed stronger, with a spark of life in his beautiful eyes. Other days were harder and he couldn’t get out of bed.

Life carried on around him with their oldest foster child graduating  college  and their youngest celebrating her first birthday. He was  confined to a wheelchair at this point, but he didn’t let that stop him from sitting back and watching the happy scene unfold before him. His heart swelled with pride to see  the kid he thought of as his oldest son walk across the stage and accept his degree. He laughed  as he watched L help their daughter Ellie open her gifts.  The memories he made with his family kept his cold body warm as  he watched them celebrate each milestone. He knew he would miss this. Light didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he would miss them all so much.

“I'm so tired,” Light said one evening. The sun had barely set and their bedroom was still aglow with evening light.

L helped Light from his wheelchair to the bed. “Rest then, silly.”

“ It isn’t that kind of tired, L.” Light said softly.

L finished placing Light’s swollen legs beneath the covers and stopped, looking at him. “ I understand,” he said. “It’s been hard for you the past few days.”

Light nodded, silently wondering if L really kne w what he meant.  He supposed they’d find out soon. He’d felt it coming for a while now, and as L climbed into the bed next to him, he was certain of it.  L piled himself onto Light’s chest and exhaled. “Do you remember the day we met?”

“How could I ever forget?” Light chuckled.

“I thought you were such  a buffoon,” L smiled up at Light and watched for a reaction.

Light smirked. “I thought you were beautiful.”

_ No fair,  _ L smiled, kissing Light’s scars gently. “You’re the beautiful one in this relationship.”

“ I  _ was.  _ Not so much anymore.” Light’s eye bags rivaled L’s and his weight loss made them look sunken in. His legs were swollen with edema. He certainly didn’t look like a beauty.

“Don’t say that. You’re beautiful to me,” L said, tracing lopsided circles across Light’s bare chest. “ The way you are a father to our children,  _ that’s  _ beautiful. The way you love me, the way  you handle everything life throws at you with such grace. It’s stunning, Light.”

Light gulped and tried to suppress tears. “I wish I could make love to you one more time.”

L propped himself up on an elbow and kissed Light. “When you get your new heart we will.”

Light thought his chest would burst open and all his blood would leave his body. It hurt so much to still hear the hope in L’s voice. “L…”

L kissed his husband again. “Let me believe it.  J ust for tonight. Let me believe it , Light.”

Light nodded, “Okay,” he could tell his breathing was becoming more difficult, his mind cloudy. He could think of nothing beyond the beautiful man lying in his arms and he knew that if he died right then he would die a happy man.

L would dream they made love again. Silver rings would sparkle under the dim light of their bedside lamp.  Lips  would taste  the love they had for each other like fresh honey dripping from the comb.  L could feel every inch of skin on his, every exploring fingertip,  the fullness of Light inside him. It was glorious, and  it felt so real. When he woke up, he opened his eyes and knew that Light was gone. He didn’t have to feel for him. He just knew. He knew because last night in his dream Light had said goodbye, and L knew when he woke it would be made real. Tears stung the corners of his eyes. He didn’t reach for his phone. Not yet.  Right now he was alone with his husband for the last time, and he wanted to savor  it.

L wouldn’t be sad forever. His children mourned the loss of their father with him, and they also brought him great joy. They wrote poetry and songs, drew pictures and wrote letters about their father for L. He was so moved by their love and knew in his heart that it would all be okay.  Any night he was feeling lonely and sad, he read those letters and poems and songs.  He read them over and over,  his fingers wearing the ink and  holes developing where the paper creased. Tear stains peppered the paper  as L cherished every word.  He often fell asleep with them scattered across his bed.

Yes, L felt loved and cared for by the family he’d raised. And in his old age,  visiting Light's grave wasn't anything like his nightmare.  He'd never been afraid that Light would die. Death was inevitable. What L was afraid of was being abandoned by his children, alone and bitter and old.

That would never be the case, however. His kids brought him to see Light often. When he was too old to drive, they drove him. When he could no longer walk, they pushed his wheelchair. They stood with him in the heat or the cold or the rain.  They took him to lunch or dinner. They bought him gifts on Father’s Day. And when he could no longer take care of himself, they took him  in and cared for him as he had cared for them when they were young.

“I love you, dad,” his youngest daughter said with a hug. His tiny grandchildren ran about the house, filling the air with giggles. He loved them so. When he took his final breath late one night in his sleep, Light was there to bring him home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story. It has been quite and journey and I have found that this particular story really holds a precious place in my heart. I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to let everyone know that I love and appreciate all feedback that is helpful, heartfelt, or constructive. After a long discussion with some disheartened readers on a Facebook group, I've decided to mention in each fic I write that I will NEVER give a shitty response to you. So, whether your comments are two words or two paragraphs, they are welcomed and appreciated so deeply here. ❤


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